pearls and politics

Ch-ch-changes

2009-11-23T20:18:00.000-08:00

I'm moving on from blogger and joining the world of Wordpress, thanks to my blogidols Chelsea and Lauren.

Please visit my new and improved (I think) blog at http://pearlsandpolitics.wordpress.com.

My disclaimer: it's much more plain than this one, but that is precisely the way I had hoped. Something straight to the point. But I hope you come to my blog because of what I write, and not because of what it looks like.

I'm also still in the process of adding all my previous blogs to Wordpress, but I'm only about halfway there. Bear with me. (Nobody reads old posts anyway.) Also, I have added all the comments to each blog, but - unfortunately - it shows my avatar on each. Oh well. I'm not stressing over it. Does anyone know how to fix that?

Anyway, it's just time to move on to bigger and better things.

Thanks, y'all!

I Need Help. ... No, Really!

2009-11-22T20:17:00.000-08:00

I have big dreams for my little ol' blog. Sure, I only get about 300 hits a month right now, but I figure there is potential for more if I do things right.

But that's the key: do things right.

So, I am asking the (few) people who read me for some opinions / help. A few things:

Wordpress? Should I go switch over? I have used it some in my previous job, but just for basic posting. I have a feeling it's pretty self-explanatory, but so far I've had some problems getting my own started, mostly with the ...
Theme? I want something custom, classy and contemporary. I made a header, but I'm not sure it's quality work. I'm a writer, not so much of a designer. Don't judge. ... I was under the impression Wordpress was free, but when I try to change the CSS it says I need to upgrade? Do I? Then what? Help.
Is it a good idea to change my URL? Will I lose traffic? I plan to eventually buy pearlsandpolitics.com, but it's owned for a couple more months, although nothing is being done with it. Is this a good shift? Or should I stick with the free blogspot account?

As you can see, I'm clueless and ignorant. I need help. I want my blog to be top-notch - something people will want to come back to every day (like I do with Lauren from Texas, Roots and Rings, and Sings the Magpie). I know appearance has a lot to do with recurring traffic - I don't return to ugly blogs.

So ... any help is deeply appreciated. I want to want to blog, but when I look at my pink, bubblegummish, teenagery theme, it makes me want to vomit.

Thanks, y'all.

Mr. Clean

2009-11-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

Today, Mr. Clean Man did the unthinkable (in guy world) ... he cleaned. And by "cleaned," I mean he actually used product to scrub and disinfect the bathroom. And vacuumed! (And not with a broom!) He's pretty awesome.

When I walked into the (almost) clean bathroom, the smell of SoftScrub along with the light breeze coming through the open window reminded me of when I was a kid. I loved getting off the school bus, walking in my freshly cleaned home with all the windows and doors open (yes, I lived in the boonies). Not sure why I remember this. My mom has always been a bit of a clean freak - but I love it. I inherited a little of her OCDness ... mine just rarely gets put into action. Maybe one day.

Lungs of a Smoker, Never Took a Hit

2009-11-19T14:31:00.000-08:00

There are ~~many~~ few things of which I am intolerant. But cigarette smoking in public when a crowd is present comes close to (if not AT) the very top.

I will admit my stupidity for standing out in the cold for four hours to get free tickets to a 30-minute concert. But, that's my perogative. I'm hurting no one but myself.

However, the sidewalk along the Keith Albee entrance is uber-crowded with my fellow Rascal Flatts groupies. And everytime someone gives into the nicotine urge, we ALL have to inhale the deathly carcinogens.

I understand it's legal and ONLY legal to suck on cancer sticks outside (in most cases). But, it is just common courtesy to blow your smoke where no one else has to breathe it in. Today, in fact, there is a non-busy, two-lane street that separates us from the other, crowd-free side of the road. Please take your smell over there.

To top it off, a man, who I will refer to as Mr. Bud Light hat, steps out of the door behind me into my tiny cubby that is keeping me from the unbearable chill of the wind, and lights up, filling my personal bubble with intoxicating (not in a good way) fumes. So, to maintain my breathing, I step to the end of the sidewalk and not-nonchalantly (would that just be chalantly? Okay, no.) wave the smoke out of my face. And I may have even thrown in a forced cough or two.

For a few minutes, I watch Mr. Bud Light hat ingest toxic chemicals into his lungs. When he is done, old guy flips his butt (cigarette, that is) down on the ground. See below.

(a few more things about this photo: a) the girl on the right is the ballsy chick who, at about 3 hours into waiting, plopped her butt .... real one, that is .... down at the front of the line. I mean, really? Also, here you can see my little cubby in which I was standing. As you can see, it's very personal-space invading.)

My problem with Mr. Bud Light hat, other than the blatant littering, is that only a few feet away stood this:

Yep! A place to dispose of your used cancer sticks! So, not only are you, Mr. Bud Light hat, filling others' lungs with harmful carcinogens, but you're making the streets we walk on ugly. Thanks.

Then, I turn around and see this:

The only thing I hate more than being surrounded by cigarette smoke is seeing adults blow their smoke around their own children. I can at least walk away. Children have no choice. This is appalling, unhealthy, inappropriate and careless. Parents need to be responsible and need to be held accountable for their actions.

Oh, and by the way, today is the Great American Smokeout. Epic. Fail.

Me.

2009-11-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

I don't want to be like everyone else anymore. And even more so, I don't want to want to be like everyone else.

I'm pretty hard on myself, and I throw a lot of extravagant pity parties for poor ol' Jen. But maybe who I am isn't so bad.

So what if things aren't how I planned them to be when I was growing up? Who really knows anything about life at 16? All I was basing my dreams and visions on were the outcomes of others' lives. And those people undoubtedly went through their share of not-fun, depressing times.

I've really never been one to hate myself. In fact, I've always pretty much loved everything about me. This past year has changed that, for sure, but whose fault is that other than mine? And whose fault is it if it stays that way? Again, mine.

I'll never be model-thin or basketball-player tall. I'll never have a Whitney voice or Cindy Crawford looks. But what keeps me from building an Oprah empire or joining the socialites of NYC? Maybe I'll never get to those places in my life, but I'll certainly never get there if I don't try.

I know what I want, but those things seem to hate my guts.

And when no one wants you to stay, you have no other choice but to go.

Ten on Tuesday

2009-11-17T12:12:00.000-08:00

I clearly have no imagination, because I repeatedly take blog ideas from my favorite bloggers. BUT - I always link back... AND Chelsea invited her readers to keep the questions going. ... So, I am.

1. What are some of your family traditions?
Traditions typically come out during the holidays - but wouldn't it be fun to have traditions throughout the whole year? Oh well.
In December, the women on my mom's side of the family always get together to bake cookies. We each bring our own recipe(s), ingredients and bakeware. We mix, we roll, we bake and we have a good time with family. (And, of course, we all help clean up.) At the end of the day, we share each others' cookies, which is the best part!
But my favorite tradition of all time is on Christmas Eve. Since I was a little girl, I remember walking into my Mamaw's house and she is always stirring the punch. Love this. Sometimes, I have to call and remind her I'm coming over and to get ready. But - it's the thought that counts! (PS - her Christmas punch is the BEST punch I've ever tasted. By. Far.)

2. Do you know how to change a flat tire?
Actually, I do. Could I execute it properly? Not so sure. But the better question is, "Do you know how to put gas in your car?" because I have been stranded so many more times for running out of gas than having a flat tire. Probably 10 to 1. It's called procrastination.

3. Do you subscribe to any magazines? What are your favorites?
I do, but not enough. Mr. Man's mom gave me a Real Simple subscription for Christmas last year, which may be one of the best Christmas presents EVER (you keep getting it ALL year). I used to subscribe to Cosmopolitan, Women's Health and the Food Network ... but I'm poor now. Real Simple is definitely my favorite ... maybe because it's the only one that comes to me via mail.

4. What are your top three favorite office supply items? (If you don’t share the love of office supplies with me or if you are male, you may skip this question.)
BIC mechanical pencils. I love how the eraser is perfect when you first buy the pack, although I hate making that first mistake. The pencil loses all its innocence.

Notebooks. Any and all. I love the plain to the gaudy. My only stipulation is no wide rule. I love a sketch book, a composition notebook, a journal or a regular, college ruled notebook. But it's always a struggle for me to write on that first page. Like the pencil's eraser, it's so clean and perfect - and I'm about to mess it up. But ... I always do.

Planners. Regardless of what Chelsea says, I think day planners are an essential office supply. Like notebooks, I love them all. Big or small, I don't discriminate.

5. Are you a good public speaker?
My initial answer is "NO!" But, if I have great notecards, or (if I'm President Obama) I have a teleprompter, I can make a heck of a speech. This hasn't always been the case. In my first years of college, my speech class was my dreaded hour of the day. I was terrified to stand in front of the class of, like, 15 people and talk about anything. I'd sweat and be nauseated. Fun times.

6. How do you feel about acronyms?
Well, Burnis and AP Style certainly turned me off to them years ago. But sometimes, they can be fun. Unless you're ACORN.

7. What's the most creative thing you've ever done? (Bloggers, feel free to include pictures!)
I'd like to have something more appropriate or mature than what I'm about to say ... but I'm afraid this might be the winner. ... In high school, my BFF Kristi and I needed Halloween costumes for my party. Since it was the day-of and we were still costume-less, we threw on trashbags, glued on banana peels, food wrappers and (dare I admit this) even a (clean) tampon, and called ourselves white trash.

8. I'd rather jam a pen in my eye than...
-go back to high school
-work retail (oh wait, I do)
-drink V8
-watch someone spit

9. What company has the best advertising?
For lack of time of thinking, I'm going to go with Apple. Although I do love their commercials, I'm certain there are more entertaining ads out there.

10. When is your birthday?
May 8. I don't want to turn 24!!! Noooooooo!

Wow ... I'm out of shape.

2009-11-17T11:16:00.000-08:00

After waking up early at 10 AM to the incessant, obnoxious ringing of the telephone, it was time to start my day.

I sat down with a bowl of Special K (with yogurt and berries ... mmm) to watch my favorite morning show people of all time - Regis and Kelly. And who else was on the show but my favorite celebutards of all time - Heidi and Spencer. I am not ashamed to say that I will most likely buy their book, How to be Famous. (Because, clearly, I have a chance at that.)

I looked down to see an eyelash in my cereal. Very likely it was my own ... but does that make it any better? I dipped my spoon in the milk and just like that, the eyelash disappeared into cereal land. I took another bite from the other side of the bowl and then, upon imagining myself unknowingly ingesting that eyelash, became a bit nauseated and poured it out.

So now it is all of 10:30 AM. No work until 5 PM and nowhere to go. What to do? Ah, the forbidden two words: work out. I mean, it's only been months.

I grabbed my newest pair of running shorts ...

(not the exact pair ... but close. And I paid 10 bucks for them at Marshalls! I know, I'm so thrifty!)

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... tied up my laces, turned on my Let's Get Skinny playlist on my iPod and pressed Start on the treadmill.

Minutes 1 through 5, I was singing along with Fergie and Jason Mraz, doing a little dance here and there (almost fell only once).

Minutes 6 through 10, I resorted to singing in my head and focusing on my breathing.

Minutes 11 and 12, I mentally pumped myself up. ("Come on, Jen. You can do this, you fat tub of lard.")

Minute 13, I pressed stop and started bargaining with God for my life. Minute 13 is also the time I realized, I am certainly way, WAY out of shape.

Yes, this is all pretty embarrassing and actually quite sad. HOWEVER, I am satisfied with myself today because I got off my butt, turned off the TV and did something for myself. I know this whole "getting into shape" thing takes a very long time, but being healthy is something I have to do. I have too many physical conditions that rely on me taking care of myself. I can do this.

So, after almost dying, I was hungry. (duh) I skipped the pizza rolls, although they were screaming at me, and made myself a salad. A delicious salad, might I add.

A handful of baby spinach lettuce, about a tablespoon of chopped onion, tablespoon of chopped tomato, half a cucumber, about a half tablespoon of shredded cheese, salt, pepper and a side of Ranch. I never put dressing directly on my salad (unless I'm at Olive Garden) because:

It smothers the taste of the salad and makes me want to gag.
You will actually eat less dressing (the most fattening part of the salad) if you either dip your naked fork into the dressing and then get salad, or the other way around. And it tastes just the same ... or in my opinion, better!

Too bad the onion I used was mega potent, and now I'm going to have killer breath for a week. Not to mention the smell coming through my pores. Lovely, right?

Today I....

2009-11-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

- drove a big ol' redneck truck. (And it was a stick shift, which is easy in a little tiny car. But in a big ol' honkin' truck? No, thanks!)

- decided to have the peanut butter cookie double doosie instead of the m&m cookie double doosie. And it was wonderful.

- spilled water in my lap on the way to work. It very much looked like I peed my pants.

- have a headache.

- saw Mr. Man for all of five minutes. That's just enough to make ya mad.

- wish I lived on Huntington Avenue.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

2009-11-15T21:53:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a great many things (as I have mentioned before). An astronaut, a writer, Miss America. I guess one out of three isn't so bad.

As an adult, there are still a great many things I dream of becoming, although I now understand the reality of my hopes and ambitions and know they're quite unlikely ... or will cost me another 50 grand in student loans to be qualified.

Here's my situation: in high school, I worked at The Buckle. I quit, went to college for five years, got my bachelor's in print journalism, and guess where I'm working now? The Buckle.

Oh, and I make $5.50 / hr plus 3% commission. Not quite ideal.

I almost feel as if my college time was a waste, considering I can't find a writing job around here - or really anywhere. But I haven't exactly been actively looking outside the Tri-State area.

See, one of my big dreams growing up was to move away. New York. California. Somewhere big. Along the way of getting older, though, my ideals have changed. I've realized I love being with Mr. Man and the two munchkins, and that is what is most important to me. (Ideally, I'd love to get married and add to our ready-made family, but that's another blog). Now, my ideal occupation(s) would be a wife, stay-at-home mom and work-from-home freelance writer. Plus, add in carpool chauffeur, soccer mom, healer of boo boos, etc. That's a lot of responsibility.

Clearly, all that is far away for me. So, what do I do in the mean time? Stick around this dump of a town working at (below) minimum wage jobs and (dare I admit this) living in the storage room at my parents? Or, should I pursue my one-time biggest dream and find something awesome to do in NYC or LA? I'm really not sure. Granted, I know I absolutely can't fathom the thought of being without Mr. Man and my babies, but what is the best choice?

So, I applied for an office manager position with Twitter. (as did probably 1 million+ Americans). Although I am qualified, I am sure I will not land the job. I never really had high hopes for it, but I thought - why the heck not. If for some crazy odd reason they call me and say "hey Jen, we love you and your celeb-stalkerish tendencies of Twitter," maybe I'll just head on out to San Francisco anyway.

I'll let you know.

Today I....

2009-11-14T22:21:00.000-08:00

Today, I:

**burnt the bottoms of our cinnamon rolls. I knew I shouldn't have sprayed the pan with Pam.

**used public transportation as a means to get to work ... for the first time ever. (and, as a result, was 15ish minutes late for work).

**began to understand why Mr. Man always talks about "women drivers." The bus driver lady gave me whiplash at every stop sign.

**wore men's deodorant. When you forget to pack your own, ya gotta do somethin'.

**missed the home Marshall game. I hear it was sucky anyway.

**drove the streets of Huntington while the Gang War is in progress. It was like a real-live video game or something.

**told a lot of people a lot of clothes were "super cute" when, in reality, I wouldn't buy it for someone I hated. Commission changes people.

**realized how much I love my own pillows. All 4,600 of them. You really understand how much you take things for granted when they're gone. I miss you, pillows. We'll reunite tomorrow.

**tweeted "please come to WV" to Heidi and Spencer. Not sure if I'd be able to have a conversation with either one of them if they did, in fact, come to WV. But I just want to see Spencer's blonde beard in person. And maybe laugh a little.

**had a lot of interesting tidbits for my "Today I..." blog, but now I can't remember any of them.

That's pretty much my day. Boring. I need sleep, and more blog topics. And a bigger following. Ugh.

Currently

2009-11-11T22:40:00.000-08:00

I suck at consistently posting. I really wish I could be a serial blogger, but it seems that life gets in the way a little too often. My November resolution is to write more. We'll see how long that lasts.

Sings the Magpie (my friend from J-school) introduced me to Lauren from Texas, whose blog I have fallen head over heels for. And yes, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. A lot of good those 5 years of J-school did me.

Anyway. Lauren from Texas periodically posts a blog about everything she is "currently" about. And, because I love the idea, I'm borrowing it. But mosey on over to her site (after you read mine, of course) and check out her ramblings. You'll loves.

So, here's my currents for November 12, 2009. (p.s. - my answers are not necessarily what is happening at this exact moment ... its a general idea of my life)

Wearing
BKE Starlites. Every. Single. Day. It's the only pair of Buckle (where I work) jeans that I own. And although I do get a 40% discount, I'm still too poor to buy a new wardrobe. Sad, I know.

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Reading
Blogs, mostly. Magazines. And text messages, of course. But I'm also trying to find time to finish the two Jodi Picoult books I started - but I honestly can't even remember the titles. Again, sad.

Listening to
Love, love, loving the Glee soundtrack I just downloaded. It makes me want to choreograph all of my in-shower performances.

Eating
Lots and lots of bad stuff. Chick-Fil-A has become a staple since working at the mall. I really need to be more healthy - but how?

Drinking
Water, FINALLY! I am weaning myself off soda again. I once went an entire 364 days without drinking a sip of soda. But on New Year's Eve day that year, Mr. Man talked me into giving up my whole year's hiatus and I purchased and gulped down a Mt. Dew. It tasted so, so weird. I should try again next year, and maybe make it that extra day. Doubtful.

Celebrity Crush
Taylor Swift. By. Far. I feel like she could be my BFF. And I'd love to sit around and harmonize with her for a day. Is that weird?

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Obsession
America's Next Top Model. This is the first season I've even followed religiously, but I'm so addicted. I was hoping Jennifer would win, and not just because we share a ridiculously wonderful name. But, she was eliminated tonight, so now I'm rootin' for country gal Laura all the way. Who will be named Americas ..... next ...... top ..... model. The suspense.

Pet Peeve
Control freaks. Yeah, sure, I'm kind of one, myself. But - that's okay.

Coveting
Kim Kardashian's body. We have a love/hate relationship. I love to watch her TV shows on E!, but I hate her for having the body I want. Ah, to dream.

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Saving for
A car. A clunker. An engine with four wheels. Also, a place of my own. Pathetic, I know.

Hoping to
Find a new job. The Buckle ain't cuttin' it. Not only am I making pennies, but I'm completely exhausted at the end of the day - and that just isn't spectacular in my book. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind hard work and being worn out from it - I would just like to get paid accordingly. I need a big girl job ... pronto.

What if?

2009-11-03T22:05:00.000-08:00

We make decisions every minute, every day of our lives. Some are of much greater importance than others, but all indicative of the future.

Today, for example, I chose to look for apartments in Huntington, to which my efforts availed no positive outcome. I chose to take lemonade and crackers to work on my 4-hour shift, which resulted in me saving $5 on a drink and snack for the evening. I chose to accept my manager's request for me to work 8 am - 5 pm instead of my scheduled 3 pm - 10ish pm, which will inevitably result in my feet throbbing uncontrollably and me being so tired I'll want to come home and crash.

The decisions we make, important or irrelevant, can result in positive or negative reactions. Unfortunately for me, my terrible, irrational decision-making skills have placed me in a position today that I never thought I would be. And I wonder, what if.

So, decisions I have made that I may or may not want to change should I be given the option:

Cheerleading in high school. I mean, why not? Flying in the air and doing body-wrenching twists just seems uber-cool.
Never finishing all of my summer reading. Both of my Honors and AP English teachers in high school were killer, but I wish I would have let them challenge me instead of intimidate me. Actually reading the assigned books and 86ing the use of SparkNotes would have been ideal.
Getting married at 18 years old. I mean, that's a no-brainer, right?
Getting divorced at 20 years old. Again, a no-brainer. But, had I changed decision #3, decision #4 would be irrelevant. So much goes into these two decisions, though, that would make much more sense to a reader on the outside - but those are my problems that I have and will deal with myself.
Credit cards. My, my, my. How it would have changed my life not having credit cards. Debt is a four-letter word that I find appalling and sickening, but something we only get ourselves into and can only get ourselves out of. If I have any advice for young people, it's stay away from credit. What did I buy? I really have no idea.
Forget Journalism - something, anything else. Unless you're the editor-in-chief for National Geographic or The New York Times, print journalism is not the way to go in the 21st century. It's going digital. Unfortunately, my professors and advisor did not let me in on this little tidbit of info until I was over halfway finished with my degree - and I wasn't turning back then. Now, I can't get a job (other than in retail or food service ... which blows) and I'm basically forced to go back to school. Crappy.

I could go on and on and on and on about crappy decisions I have made, but that would just be really depressing, and I've had enough of that lately. But I can't change the past. All I can do is make the right decisions in the future, and hopefully I'll be competent and intelligent enough to discern from right and wrong, and what is good, bad, best and worst for me. If not, at least I'll have something to blog about in the years to come.

And, for the record, I hate thinking about "what if." It's pointless, discouraging and unproductive. But every now and then I like to dream. You know, about "what if" I decided to run away at 16, hitchhike to California, starve myself and become a model or actress. I'm skinny, rich, and wearing Manolos. A girl can dream.

Reflections from the life of a great man, and hopes for MY great man

2009-10-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I attended the funeral of a man who made an incredible impact on my life. His name is Keith, and he's walking down streets of gold, talking to my Jesus.

The first time I went out of the country, I was on a mission trip to Grenada and Anguilla (West Indies) with Keith and his wife Roberta and 9 other girls (poor Keith). On that trip, I realized a few things.

People in other countries do not live as freely, luxuriously as we do in America.
Keith and Roberta love each other more than any couple I have EVER met.
Some other things that didn't hold true in the following years.

We traveled within three countries for 14 days, during which Keith preached at least once daily, and had to put up with 10 females constantly.

One night during the trip, Keith and Roberta sat all nine of us chit-chatty, giddy, silly girls down to tell us about true love and what makes a relationship last a lifetime. I will never, never forget that night and what they taught us.

Love is certainly not a Cinderella story and is never a happily ever after. It takes work and dedication. It takes two people who care enough about one another to put their partner above all else, but under God. It takes looking past imperfections and loving unconditionally - even if he eats his eggs with ketchup and it grosses you out (one of Roberta's pet peeves about Keith ... which we all thought was just adorable).

Sitting in the church this afternoon watching the family nod in agreement with the preacher and occasionally wipe a tear (they were all incredibly and admirably strong), I couldn't help but be thankful it wasn't me sitting in the front row listening to funny stories about my dad who had gone to be with Jesus. Don't get me wrong - my heart breaks for Roberta and her boys, and I wish we had Keith back in full silly-guy form, with a guitar strapped over his shoulder and a goofy grin on his face.

But when things like this happen to other people, it always makes me stop and realize how easily it could be me. I can't help but be thankful that my family is healthy and happy for now. And it makes me feel incredibly guilty for how upset I have been tonight over seemingly ridiculous things.

I've cried hysterically (no joke) from making myself upset over all the things "wrong" in my life: no car, no money, no job, no apartment, and other things that make me sad to the core. I cried even harder because I can't fall asleep and Mr. Man could not make it to my house to comfort me ... and I made him mad by being upset.

It wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth getting myself so upset I'm nearly sick. It wasn't worth ticking Mr. Man off so much that he never wants to come over again. It wasn't worth being so involved in my own ridiculous problems that I forgot what Keith's family is going through tonight. The things of this world are not worth it. And in the past few years, I have forgotten what IS important.

I have also forgotten this:

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

That's good stuff.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I am so self-centered and selfish, but I am. I hate it. There is so much more I want to be, and maybe - just maybe - if I were a little more selfLESS, a little more caring, a little more compassionate, a little less dramatic, a little less psychotic, a little more loving, a little less annoying ... I would be lovable.

The Lord loves me. I just hope someone else can, too.

Random Thoughts for the Day

2009-10-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

It rarely pays to be the one nice person out of the bunch.

People should be required to retake the written AND physical driving tests upon each license renewal. Too many ignorant drivers on the road.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts, and I feel that it doesn't suit her at all.

I should have the new Michael Buble CD.

It's funny and actually quite intriguing how many old people are now texters-while-driving. Scary. Refer to thought No. 2.

I don't understand why my 3-year-old dog who sleeps on the floor every night is crying endlessly to get in the bed with me while my 10-month-old dog that sleeps in the bed with me every night is curled up on a blanket on the floor passing out.

I keep hearing the heat kick on, but I'm still freezing underneath these blankets. This is why I prefer summer. Heat. Warmth. All things wonderful.

Five years of my life were spent going to college for an education that would help me get a better-than-normal job and make better-than-normal money. I graduated and it's the first time in my life I can't get a job. SallieMae still expects me to pay them back for the loans. Crazy.

It is pointless and a waste of time to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

My iPhone arrives tomorrow. And I am .... so .... excited!

David Letterman. Why?

2009-10-11T21:28:00.000-07:00

David Letterman. We've all heard about the scandal. Why are we still talking about it?

I get it - he's technically a celebrity, and with the job comes the invasion of privacy. It's what all the stars complain about. But, he's still human and, although it doesn't excuse his behavior, its his life.

But what really gets me is this: As I sit here watching Entertainment Tonight, which is dedicated to the Letterman do-dah and the endless Jon & Kate debate, I'm floored by the number of celebs who commend Dave for stepping out and explaining the situation.

One. Commending him? Really? He's brave for going on air to tell about his scandal? Give me a break.

Two. Why should he have to go on his show and tell the world? It's no one's business. Granted, the rumor is that his wife made him apologize multiple times on TV - probably to cause him as much embarrassment as it has her. Regardless, there is no reason he should be expected to talk publicly about his private life.

I'm celebrity-obsessed, and I'll be the first to admit it. But I do realize these people are human and have just as crazy lives (crazier, actually) as I do. I wouldn't want my business splattered all over the Internet, and they don't need theirs to be either.

Then again, I'm posting a blog about it. Hmm... maybe I'm my own opponent.

Crying over Puffy Pretzels

2009-10-11T12:59:00.000-07:00

Piece of advice: before you begin putting medication into your body, recommended by your trusted family doctor, do your research. Know all side effects, not only from taking the medicine, but from not taking the medicine, as well.

As I've come to find out, it is the withdrawal that physically hurts the most. It's quite ironic that side effects from the medicine that is supposed to make me feel better are actually worse than the original symptoms. How does that work?

So, now I am crying. Constantly. Over anything and everything. If I see a baby - I cry. If I see a picture of a happy couple - I cry. If I see someone else cry - I cry. I'm watching reruns of an old season of America's Next Top Model, episodes I've seen so many times I could probably quote them. Someone gave Shandi a compliment - I cried.

Why?

This, as could be imagined, is very annoying. Not only for me, but Mr. Man, too - although I'm trying to save the tears for when he is not present.

However, last night, I failed. I decided to make some homemade pretzels, recipe courtesy of mi madre. When she made them - oh man, SO good. Mr. Man was in love.

Although I knew before I started that my rendition of homemade pretzels wouldn't hold a candle to momma's, I wanted to try anyway.

After letting the dough set up and double in size for almost an hour, I plunge my hands in to start forming the pretzels.

It was like cake batter. Not a baker? Let me give you a hint: it's not supposed to look or feel like cake batter.

So, go figure, I cried ... and cried ... and cried. Mr. Man came in when he heard me sniffling. And, of course, we laughed at the dough-batter as it schlopped from my hands to the cookie sheet like poo. Yes. Very disgusting.

But, after some guidance from my mom, I added some serious flour to the dough-batter to not only keep it from conforming to my hands, but to allow me to twist it into a shape other than a blob.

In the end, I only had to throw away one batch of pretzels because they were as big as pillows. Ew. The remaining thousand that did work out weren't so bad after all. Mr. Man ate 8 of them for breakfast, so they couldn't have been too disgusting. Or maybe he was just being nice...

TV Time

2009-10-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking I should cancel my television service. Unfortunately, I signed a 2-year contract that keeps me with DirecTV until 2011. Fantastic.

It seems as if every television show is just a huge mockery of everything I don't have.

The Hills: money, career, life.

Jon and Kate Plus 8: Eight kids. Thank .. God.

Say Yes to the Dress: a wedding. A marriage.

The Apprentice: a JOB.

The Price is Right: plasma TV, a car, trips around the world, and again, money.

These shows make sitting at home all day even more depressing than it already is. I sit and think about having no job, no money, no car. Maybe I should get up off the darn couch and take a run through WPR.

I am competent and old enough to understand that what is portrayed on TV is not always (actually, rarely is) realistic. It's not common for MTV producers to go into a high school, choose a clique and make them into millionaires. Most teenagers don't drive Mercedes and Range Rovers, take lavish vacations with parents MIA or live in mansions with pools overlooking the Hollywood hills. But this is what we see on TV. This is what we (I) want.

Unfortunately for the younger generation who is growing up in this reality-TV era, they are unable to discern between what is realistic and what is unattainable. They think that because their idols are sickeningly skinny, uber rich and spoiled brats, they should be too.

When the 8-Year-Old-Teenager cries, she doesn't just shed some tears - she throws an entire theatrical production. A small disclaimer: she's such a good girl. She doesn't throw tantrums or fall on the ground and scream like some crazy kids I've seen ... but her face says it all. She needs to be an actress.

My point is, she acts the way she does because of what she has seen in movies and on TV. It's sad... but how do you stop it? I don't mind her being a movie buff - because she definitely watches a lot of movies.

I think it's her generation's epidemic. Forget the Swine Flu - drama is taking over our children.

The 10 Things I'm Loving Right Now

2009-10-04T21:06:00.000-07:00

Here's what I'm obsessing over right now.

10. My New Mug
I bought this I Heart Jim mug at Border's today (sorry for the terrible pic). For $4.99, I got this incredible mug, PLUS a World's Best Boss mug for Mr. Man - the world's best boss (behind Michael Scott, of course!) ... What a bargain!

9. Popcorn
With movie theater butter seasoning, every night before I go to sleep while watching TV. Except now, I'm starting to watch movies that I've yet to see. Mr. Man hates my lack of movie knowledge, and quite frankly, I do too. So - I'm working to improve my general trivia knowledge of movies ... and pop culture in general.

8. Girly YouTube videos.
Make-up and hair do tutorials, in particular. I'm loving Elle and Blair, and they make me wish I knew how to wear make up. And it makes me want to be obsessed with MAC products - and affluent enough to afford them. Oh well.

7. Kate Spade leopard bag.
I love, love, LOVE this bag. Every time I walk through Macy's I admire its impeccable beauty. But, at $295, it is quite a bit more than I can afford right now with a $0 income. It will have to appear in my dreams until I find a job to complement my shopping fantasies.

6. Leopard Print Ballet Flats.
It may seem otherwise, but I'm not really an animal-print kind of girl. But I've been dying for an adorable pair of leopard-print flats. The only pair I've found so far that I remotely like are - sit down - Miley Cyrus / Max Azria from none other than Wal-Mart. For $10, at that! I may go for the bargain.

5. Dr. Mario.
On my computer, not on the Nintendo. (I had an old school SNES, but I traded it a while back for my Sega Genesis. Stupid.)

4. Thigh-High boots.
Non-hookerish thigh highs for fall / winter. Particularly fringe. Ah.

3. Where the Wild Things Are art.
I love art. But I love art that has meaning even more. I would LOVE to have this on my bedroom wall to look at before I go to sleep every night and when I wake up every morning. Oh - and I'm so very excited to take my loves to see the movie.

2. OPI Nail Polish.
Right now I LOVE the color You're a Pisa Work (very bright pink). However, it spilled in my purse and dried to the lid so I can't open it. Boo to that.

1. The Loves of my Life.
They are beautiful. They are my life. Need I say more?

Someday, I'll Write a Book

2009-10-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Meet Gwen

2009-09-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

This is Gwen.

She is one of the newest additions to the American Girl family.

Gwen looks much like her AG friends Chrissa, Kit, Molly, Julie, just to name a few.

But there's just this one thing: Gwen is homeless.

Gwen doesn't come with her own book and story, because she is only a friend of Chrissa. But in Chrissa's story book, Gwen is described as a poor, homeless girl who lives in a car with her mom.

Apparently, Gwen was introduced into the AG community and to impressionable, little girls all over the world in light of the economy's drastic downturn. Her story is intended to educate and raise awareness among preteen girls whose parents purchase the $95 doll.

Each AG doll has a different life story, and many are great. In fact, my 8-Year-Old-Teenager has her very own Julie doll (a hippie chick whose story is one of a divorced family) who she loves and treats as if she's human. Julie is theoretically great for her because she has also experienced the going-ons of a divorce.

But the 8YOT didn't choose Julie because they shared a common life-denominator. She chose her because she liked her outfit and her hair - and more likely, because her friend had Julie.

A homeless doll, though. Children, because this is who we're dealing with here, do NOT need to know about the failing economy or the possibility of their families losing everything and all they have. Especially in these uncertain times, children do not need to worry about the welfare of their selves or their families - that's mom and dad's job.

Growing up, my family was certainly not wealthy. We lived in a trailer until I was in third grade, and there were many times I didn't get what I wanted because we couldn't afford it. Regardless, I ALWAYS had everything I needed and SO much more.

But the thing is - I never thought I was any different from the super rich kids, at least not until Jr. High or High School. As an elementary kid, I didn't worry about whether I'd have dinner or winter clothes. I wasn't concerned about the utility bills being paid or having enough laundry detergent to wash clothes. If my family ever struggled, my parents did a fantastic job of hiding it.

And that's the way it should be.

We are stripping children of innocence by making them grow up way too soon! Children don't need to be concerned that their family may one day be homeless! They need to be concerned about who will come to their slumber party, or how prepared they are for their Friday spelling test.

Children's imaginations are vivid and wild. If they are in the least concerned about losing everything and living on the streets, it immediately becomes an extravagant, inevitable nightmare. What kind of childhood is that?

I think the Gwen doll is precious and just as adorable as her predecessors. But I think her story of homelessness and automobile housing is one step too far for preteens.

Don't make these little girls grow up before they even hit puberty. Time will pass quickly enough.

What's In My Purse?

2009-09-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

I've never done a video blog. Ever. I try to stay away from the camera (still and video) as much as humanly possible. This hasn't always been the case - I used to LOVE the camera and being the center of attention. Okay, I still love being the center of attention, but I just hate seeing images of myself now. I think it's a getting-older thing. Or maybe a getting-fatter thing. Hmm...

Anyway. I found this girl on YouTube | Elle / All that Glitters | who gives tutorials on makeup and beauty products, and just has some all-around fun videos for all things girly. I LOVE it. So, I decided that maybe this is my new venture. I won't stop writing. I will NEVER stop writing. But, why not delve into a little more media?!

So I stole one of her video ideas and made a vlog about "What is in my Purse." Very, very exciting, I know. Especially considering she pulled out a Louis Vuitton, and I'm sporting a Target satchel. Hey - I'm just Jenny from the Rock. (Salt Rock. Sad, I know.)

Here it 'tis. What do you think? Should I stick to writing? :)

Another Day to Celebrate!

2009-09-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

It's certainly the time for milestones! Mr. Man just turned 30, and today my daddy turns 50! 50!! I know, crazy!

Here's my dad as a youngin'. When he sees this picture, he says "that wasn't my hat." I think that's the very least to be concerned about.

That just cracks me up. Here's my daddy more recently. (when we were both skinny ... so not THAT recent)

Happy 50th Birthday dad! Love ya.

You Are 30!!!!!!

2009-09-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

To end the week of Mr. Man, a collage. (yesterday was actually his birthday, but it was a busy day!)

Progression of Mr. Man

2009-09-25T08:57:00.000-07:00

Just one more day until Mr. Man turns the big 3-0. That's right, I said it. THIRTY!!

This is the Mr. Man who I first met a few years ago:

Classy, it's true. In a Brokeback-Mountain-esque denim jacket nonetheless. He pulls it off well.

This is the Mr. Man who emerged. Loves it.

And this is how I know him now. Always. On. The. Stupid. Iphone.

Love him, anyway.

Teen Years

2009-09-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

Here is Mr. Man with his family as a teenager. T-minus 2 1/2 days 'til the big day!

Little Mr. Man

2009-09-23T15:45:00.000-07:00

This is some really good stuff. Below is a picture of Mr. Man and his little bro (who now has Piper ... boo!). Again, I don't know how old he is. Looks about 8 to 10. He's adorable, though. And it's funny that in this picture, he looks like the 8-Year-Old Teenager! Never saw it until now...

Only 3 more days until the thirtieth twenty-tenth birthday celebrations!!

Poem Time

2009-09-22T21:12:00.000-07:00

So, here's another poem from years ago. This one I wrote about my momma.

her natural beauty shines
and touches those around
she brightens up the morning
and happily greets sundown
her anger isnt wrath
but sympatheticness
for she has learned so much of life-
she always knows whats best
her love is so inviting
and reaches to the low
she picks the weak up from their glum
and helps them, then, to grow
her labor is rewarding
but she looks for no award
she's happy on one's good day
and comforts when one mourns
she's a woman of the Lord
and of moral she is true
she is pure angelic in her heart
and a mother, through and through

Mr. Man and Piper

2009-09-22T20:48:00.000-07:00

Continuing with my week-long theme of a tribute to Mr. Man for his thirtieth twenty-tenth bday, here is a short video of my bb and a super-small Piper girl.

PS. I miss her SO much.

PS No2: You may want to take some Dramamine.

The week of Twenty-Ten

2009-09-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

This week is dedicated to Mr. Man, who turns ~~thirty~~ twenty-ten on Saturday.

Not sure how old he is here, but isn't he the cutest? He looks exactly like Little Man does now. I love it.

And a little poem for the occasion:

it must suck to be that old

three decades worth of life

hope you blow out all your candles

if you can get them all to light

you may be twenty-ten

but your looks say you're a teen

so what if i am lying?

at least i wasn't mean.

i dont know what to buy you

a plane jump from the sky?

or maybe i'll buy piper back

or just give you a high five.

the end.

All About Me

2009-09-20T19:58:00.000-07:00

In my 23 years of life, I have figured out a thing or two about myself. I have changed over time, especially in the last several years - but there are many things that remain consistent about me. I'm a silly girl, a hopeless romantic, a writer, a bad word. I am many things normal. But here are a few things that are unique to me that I, surprisingly, love about myself (well, maybe not all of them):

1. I like to sweep and vacuum. There's something about visible dirtiness being overcome by a force greater than it with the end result being cleanliness. Actually, I really just like cleanliness.

2. When I'm driving, I often grit my teeth in between certain points, i.e. slashes in the middle of the road, shadows of trees, telephone poles, mailboxes, etc.

3. I have a birthmark on my back that is lighter than my skin and only shows up when I have a great tan. The cool thing about it is it looks like a dinosaur.

4. I can't burp. (this is one I do NOT love)

5. I daydream about being a celebrity and giving an interview about all the exciting things in my life. Perhaps this is just a fantasy because I have been the interviewER for years. Or maybe I just want to be a celebrity. Or maybe I just want an exciting life. Any of the above.

6. I like to pretend that I'm a great photographer. But really, I suck. Big time.

7. I really wish I had grown up in the '80s (I was born in '86, so that doesn't count). I hate that I don't know every word to every Madonna and Michael Jackson song. And I'm really bummed that I missed out on the first go-around of leg warmers.

8. I searched and searched for my fourth grade teacher years after graduating high school. I had a recurring dream about her that was slightly haunting. We finally reconnected on Facebook, and I literally felt a weight removed from my mind. Facebook. Who knew?

9. I would totally have my legs broken so I could be taller. 5'3" blows.

10. I'm still afraid of the dark. Well, really I'm afraid of what lurks in the dark. Typically it is my boyfriend creeping up on me to scare the bejeezus out of me. Mean, I know.

11. As a former waitress, I have never in my life spit in or made any disgusting adjustments to someone's meal ... but I have witnessed it done.

12. During my "I'm going to be a singer" phase, I had my Christian contemporary demo song played on a local radio station. It was really, really bad.

13. When I was 13, I was in love with a 20 year old who told me that one day, if we got married, we would write a book about our love story. I believed him. It didn't happen. Sad (on many levels), it's true.

14. I hate beets. No, I loathe beets. My dad made me eat them when I was younger. I gagged. Everyone laughed. Never again.

15. I want a tattoo. No, I don't. I can't make up my mind. I think they're edgy. I also think they're trashy. Hmm...

16. I can't take a fish off the hook. Never have. One of these days I'll grow some and stick my fingers down that critter's throat and yank out the hook. Maybe not.

17. I love Martha Stewart. I love everything she does, makes, sells, promotes. I bet she even folds fitted sheets perfectly.

18. I think George W. Bush is sexy. But that's not new information.

19. I've always said I'm a city girl living in the hills of WV, but the older I get, the more I realize I'm a country girl through and through. I'll take four-wheeling and fishin' over broadway and a taxi any day.

20. I don't necessarily want to be a celebrity ... but I'd like to be BFFs with one.

21. People genuinely do not like me and I don't know why - oftentimes, people I don't even know. Because of this, I've made it my goal to be a better person. (Update: haven't started yet)

22. I wish I knew how to dance. I can't even do the macarena correctly.

23. The thing that bothers me the most about getting divorced is that I missed out on so much as an 18 to 20 year old. College life. Sororities. Friends. Parties. Then again, maybe it kept me out of trouble...

24. I am incredibly fascinated by Hitler and his Nazi followers.

25. I only eat Chinese food with chop sticks. Even rice.

26. "That's what she said" is my favorite thing to say. And if I don't say it, I'm still thinking it.

27. When I try to think about the things that define me, I can't. So I'll just think on this for another week and add some more later. Sigh.

I Ain't No Emily Dickinson

2009-09-20T18:23:00.000-07:00

I used to write poetry a lot. Nothing decent. Mostly silly rhymes about my ever-so-distressing life as a teenager in love. Reading through them at 23 years of age, I find the musings rather, well, amusing.

I remember feeling so sad and upset. I was positive my life was over .. every day. If only I knew then what I know now.

I'll share these silly things with you every now and then - if you promise not to judge me.

Here is one I most likely wrote during a math class:

my eyes are heavy
my minds asleep
my dreams become vivid
much deeper i creep

concentration has left
my hearings absurd
i fall into darkness
please do not disturb

what a heavenly state
i could not resist
oh nothing compares
to this peaceful bliss

ive waited forever
all day at least
and finally i can
lay down to sleep

An open letter to the MU loudspeaker person

2009-09-20T10:46:00.001-07:00

Dear person who runs the scoreboard/JumboTron at the Joan C. Edwards stadium for Marshall football games:

Get with the program.

Sitting in the stands last night watching the Herd take a victory over old Mac-rival Bowling Green, my head was sent into a terribly uncomfortable frenzy during the chaos of what came from you playing extremely loud (nonetheless, fun and energizing) music overtop of the band's tunes.

This happens all...the...time.

Your job is an integral part of each home football game and, don't get me wrong, I appreciate your dedication to the green and white.

However, maybe you should invest in some walkie talkies and collaborate with the band leader so that your musical interludes do not constantly overlap to produce incessant and inevitable headaches and brain spasms for all stadium occupants.

I love listening to Ozzy snd Thunderstruck. I also love hearing Sweet Caroline and the 1st Down piece. I don't love hearing them at the same time.
When I attend away games, I am always incredibly jealous at the cooperation and interworking of the opposing school's band and loudspeaker-person. They always seem to have their acts together, working in conjunction to energize the crowd and boost morale. The overhead music / talking never interrupts the band.

And furthermore, the band is in direct conjunction with the fans to sing silly songs and yell encouraging cheers to their beloved team. However, that's a whole other open letter.

For now, loudspeaker person, please buy those 2-way radios and let's try not to send fans into convulsions.

In love of the Herd,

Jen ( a die-hard MU fan )

Obama's Media Playing by His Rules

2009-09-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

Today's front-page headlines on leading news sites:

CNN
-Carter: Racism key in opposition to Obama
-House admonishes 'You Lie' lawmaker
-Kanye calls Swift with 'sincere' apology
-Cheerleader hunts, kills 10-foot gator
-Sean Penn steps out with new girlfriend

MSNBC
-Carter: Wilson comments 'based on racism'
-Facebook 'cash-flow positive' in second quarter
-Obama: Kanye West a 'jackass' for outburst
-Scoop: Lindsay Lohan shows little sis the night life
-House votes to rebuke Rep. Wilson

The Washington Post
-Alterations of New Fame (First Lady fashion)
-House votes to rebuke Rep. Wilson
-Fake Twitter Accounts Draw Capitals' Attention
-College Football Confronts Threat of Swine Flu
-Supreme Court Asked to Weigh Redskins Case

The New York Times
-Rare Coins: Family Treasure or Ill-Gotten Goods?
-House Rebukes Wilson for Shouting 'You Lie'
-Senate Health bill Draws Fire on Both Sides
-Swift-West Spectacle, Stoked on Screen
-President's Opinion of Kanye West Sparks Debate

Anyone can see a pattern here. Current events are typically common across the board of all media. The Joe Wilson deal, Kanye's outburst, Obama's opinion of Kanye - these have all made the headlines of major media outlets days after they first broke.

But one story you haven't seen splattered across all mainstream media is this:

Pressure For ACORN Probe

That's the main headline on FoxNews.com right now. Here's a little background, because if you read any mainstream media other than Fox, you're most likely unaware of this incredibly serious breaking news story.

You can read it directly from FoxNews.com here.

Basicaly, ACORN (Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now), better known as the group who supported Obama through his campaign, has been caught on tape four different times in four different branches handing out advice on how to get around federal laws for tax evasion, fraud and prostitution. Yes, people - prostitution.

This is a federally funded organization.

In the San Bernardino tape, which you can watch here, the self-proclaimed-previous-prostitute and not-so-eloquent ACORN worker encourages "Eden" in her business ventures to set up a prostitution business and brothel house for El Salvadorian teenage girls.

This ... is ... sick.

Again, this is an entity FUNDED BY OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT - and an Obama supporter. (shocker)

But here is my question: Why are mainstream media not covering this? If they have reported on it or ran an AP article, it was brief and severely downplayed. This is a BIG deal. Why is Fox News the only outlet shining light on such a sickening issue?

If not for the videos, then this: the Senate voted Monday 83-7 to cut off ACORN from Housing and Urban Development grants. AND The Census Bureau cut their ties with the group Friday.

Those issues ALONE are huge deals. Are we truly more interested in how many apologies an arrogant black supremacist gives an innocent country chick?

I don't believe its about interest. It's called CENSORSHIP.

Here's a quote from an ACORN spokesman from the FoxNews.com article I linked above:

Brian Kettenring, an ACORN spokesman, said Republicans were "playing politics" and trying to "stop ACORN's good work fighting to stop the foreclosure crisis and to win quality, affordable health care for all Americans."

Are you KIDDING me? These crazy, treasonous, law-evading ACORN workers are blatantly breaking the law and aiding others in doing the same, and yet its the Republicans trying to play ill. It's always the conservatives' faults.

Regardless - the lack of coverage of this debacle absolutely, positively SICKENS me. The media are corrupt. It shouldn't be about sides or bias or left or right. It should be about presenting the truth, the facts, the stories of importance. We have been failed.

If our government doesn't start doing some serious internal investigations, we are in for some sad, sad trouble.

Thoughts about Public Enemies

2009-09-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

I love the Cinema theater. Sure, it has tiny screens and non-reclining seats and sometimes the picture gets a little messed up. But it is never crowded - ever. And if you buy combo #3, you get free refills on your popcorn and soda! The best part: tickets are half the price of the Marquee theater. That's a great date when you're poor (as I am).

Tonight, Mr. Man and I went to the Cinema to see Public Enemies. Johnny Depp and Christian Bale on the big-screen together? Yes, please.

A few thoughts about the movie:

*John Dillenger, a professional bank robber, (Depp) is clearly the bad guy in the movie. So, why was I constantly hoping he'd get away, escape the law and get the girl? Why was I so bummed when he was finally shot and killed? Maybe because I'm the bad guy in real life?

*i LOVE me some Christian Bale. I first fell head over heels as a youngin' watching Little Women. It's his lisp. Or maybe his bedroom eyes.

*However, this was possibly Lover Bale's least impressive theatrical performance.

*What is up with the X shaved into the back of Johnny Depp's head? I did a Google search and couldn't find anything associated with Dillinger. I found it very interesting.

*I am so glad I wasn't an early-1900s journalist. For lighting, they lit gigantic sparklers. Then again, that could be really fun.

Okay. Public Enemies = good movie.

That's all.

An Uneventful VMA

2009-09-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

So, I'm not really a VMA patron. I never watched it as a teenager. In fact, last year was the first time I actually sat down and made an evening of watching the pre-show and awards (at which I was thoroughly disappointed because of Russell Brand's outrageous remarks).

But, of course, I am obsessed with celebrities and their luxurious, fantastical lives, so I must have all the 411.

Here are a few VMA thoughts from tonight's show:

*Russell Brand is (still) a loud, offensive skank. We know Obama is president, thanks. And we don't need his British help promoting the terrible healthcare plan. But, then again, its probably safe to say he has no idea what the plan entails - just riding the Obama bandwagon like all the other supporters.

*Lady Gaga? Music - rocks. Person - freak. Arrives in a decorated neck brace, continuously makes out with Kermit the Frog, splatters blood all over her white outfit and crazy face, changes into a catsuit that covers her face (freak) and then wraps a bird nest around her head. Crazy girl is trying way too hard.

*Kanye West is a douche. An inconsiderate, rude jerk. Taylor Swift deserved the Pop Video award, and Kanye can suck it.

*Beyonce is super classy for giving Taylor a chance to have her moment. Diva? No. Dynamic.

*Jack Black praying to satan? What was the purpose?

*The red carpet pre-show was a total disappointment. Isn't the point of the pre-show to see all the stars and what they're wearing? They featured less than a dozen celebs! So sad.

*Back to Beyonce. KILLER performance. She rocked the house. I HAVE to learn that dance.

*The Michael Jackson tribute was rather disappointing, as well. I was expecting a kick-butt memorial, but was actually rather bored. Boo to that. He was a freak, anyway.

*Kristin Cavallari: super skinny. What is her secret?!

*New Moon trailer: I don't get the hype.

*Yay for B Spears grabbing an award. Boo for her not performing (or showing up).

All in all, I was pretty upset that I sat for hours watching the VMAs. Apart from the Kanye/Taylor debacle, it was relatively uneventful. Someday, though, I'll be there. In the audience, but I'll be there.

We will never forget.

2009-09-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

Watch. Remember.

If we can watch this and not remember how heartbreaking, frightening, upsetting that day was, then we have broken our promise. We've done what we swore we would never do. We have forgotten.

I'll never forget. I was a high-school sophomore. I went to school that day with the biggest event on my agenda being the delivery of a note with three stickers and nothing else: YES.

Before Honors English, I delivered the note to its recipient, and knew this day would change the rest of my life. Little did I know just how much.

I sat in class, listening to the teacher, who would eventually call me a bitch to another class in which I would not be present, talk about something entirely uninteresting - perhaps Beowulf or something else I never understood or even cared to. The white-fro-haired teacher next door, who was once a contestant on an MTV game show, although I do not remember the exact one, stuck his head inside and said, "turn on the news. The World Trade Center towers have been hit by an airplane."

I didn't know what the World Trade Center was. I didn't know where they were located. And it didn't really matter - we didn't believe him. It was a boy-who-cried-wolf kind of situation; the teacher was a jokester. Eventually, he returned and expressionlessly restated his previous request, to which we adhered.

Sure enough. It was still early enough for teachers to still have hot coffee in their apple-printed mugs, and we stared at the television in disbelief. No one spoke. We just watched. Watched. Watched. And then we watched the second plane crash quickly into the second tower.

I remember it being difficult to hold back my emotions, to not let the tears fall down my face. I wasn't sure if crying was the okay thing to do - I didn't want to be the laughingstock. But no one was watching me. No one cared. And I'm probably correct in assuming everyone else felt the exact same way.

That day, school stayed in session, but no work was done. No lessons taught. At least none that had been prepared by the teachers. We spent the entire day taking in history, witnessing a tragedy of American lives, watching terrorism unfold before our very eyes.

There wasn't much to see. The news replayed the planes crashing, the burning buildings, the falling structures, over and over. And every time it was unbelievable. Every time, I felt so sad.

At home that night, I sat with my family and watched as New Yorkers displayed photos of family members on the streets, on billboards, on clothing, or holding the portraits directly up to the camera. It was heartbreaking.

September 11, 2001 was a day I said yes. And it was a day I said No. No, I will never forget.

And I will never forget.

A beautiful wedding, an unfortunate end, a wonderful life now lived

2009-09-10T20:30:00.000-07:00

I sometimes randomly come across my wedding DVD (even after strategically hiding it in places where I do not typically look so as to avoid this), and I can't help but pop it in my computer and watch the tragic event unfold. So was the case tonight.

Looking back, I don't understand how I didn't see that day what is so incredibly clear from the camera lens. Sure, I looked relatively happy (and pretty, if I might say so), but I think I was the only one.

I don't know that I ever saw X smile once while being filmed. And, of course, I'll never forget walking down the aisle and watching him scan the sanctuary, my bridesmaids ... everyone but me. Shouldn't this have been a big, red flag?

This is typical in life ... well, in mine, anyway. When I want something, I make it seem like the greatest thing, no matter the reality.

Example: I bought my Land Rover Discovery although it not only looked like a piece of crap, but expelled oil, didn't have a passenger-side mirror, was keyed on both sides - oh, and required premium gas even during a recession. But I had a Rover. Needless to say, the thing died and I sold it for half of my investment less than a year later. It was a waste of my time and money that could have been prevented had I listened to what my father told me.

Oh, how familiar that is.

Had I listened to what not only my father told me, but also my friends, family, coworkers, and people I didn't even know, I would not have wasted over $20K (okay, my parents) on a wedding, although beautiful, that really meant nothing.

I can't say that I really have regrets. Yes, not going through with the most beautiful wedding I've ever attended ('tis true) would have saved me and many others many a crying morning/afternoon/day/night. But at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to understand the situation I'm in. If I didn't have to fall out of love, I wouldn't know how to love with everything I have. For that, I am truly grateful.

Surely, I will make many more mistakes in my life. Some I will not be proud of, but will certainly make me a stronger person. I'm not perfect, never will be, never have been, never want to be. But I can say with full conviction that I am a changed woman, and I know what I want. I have what I want (for the most part).

That beautiful Spring day four years ago that I thought would define the rest of my life actually only created a foundation for who I would become.

In the words of the queen, "Now I'm stronger than yesterday. Now it's nothing but my way. My loneliness ain't killin' me no more. I AM stronger." (Britney Spears)

Inglorious Basterds

2009-09-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

Kill Bill? Great series.

Pulp Fiction? Classic.

Inglorious Basterds? Excellence.

Needless to say, Quentin Tarantino is genius, and his latest film is no exception. The story line was captivating; the blood and gore, repulsive; and Brad Pitt wasn't terrible on the eyes, either, my friend.

But great directing / acting aside, there is something about Hitler and his Nazi crazies that I find so intriguing. The power he had over peoples' minds is frightening and absolutely amazing at the same time. He was a very a intelligent man - he would have to be to build such a powerful, hypnotizing cult.

I feel like re-reading Mein Kampf.

That shall be next on my list.

Journalist or a Hairdresser - We all deal with annoying people.

2009-08-25T17:51:00.000-07:00

In response to this blog (written by a friend who I sometimes do not agree with - but that's okay):

As a journalist, I went to school for 5 years, took classes that I had to have that didn't even pertain to my major, paid thousands of dollars for textbooks the professor never even used - not to mention $25,000 in student loans. I had to find (on my own) two internships that totaled 300 hours of my time - UNPAID - yet I still had to pay to live in D.C. for the duration of one internship, and my gas traveling 30 minutes each way for the other. I spent countless hours interviewing annoying, haughty people about things I didn't care about, attending events that I sometimes didn't even agree with, standing around taking pictures that editors would end up not having room for and endless, ENDLESS hours writing stories and articles just so everyone else can know and understand what is going on in the world. And what do I get in return as a journalist? Less than $20K per year IF I can find a job, plus the added benefit of society blaming me for reading about the things they don't like. I don't make the news, I just let you know about it.

I do think $85 is steep for a cut / color - especially when the girl who does my hair stains my shirt every .. single .. time with dye. Do I pay it anyway? Yes.

But we all choose our paths in life, and if we don't like our jobs, we can always get a new one.

I got that quote from you!

Maybe I'm the one, maybe I"m the one .. who is .. a schizophrenic psycho

2009-08-21T07:04:00.001-07:00

I'm an emotional person. I mean, come on - I'm a girl, it's a given. But perhaps I cry more than others. It doesn't really make a difference.

But because I keep my heart out in the open and easier to get slashed and beaten, my hurt feelings and sadness are often mistaken for psychosis. I am not crazy. I am not a schizophrenic psycho.

I am also the kind of person who falls the hardest every..single..time. When I love someone, I love them with everything I have. I am certainly not perfect and I'm sure I am not the person I hope to be 100 percent of the time, but I am confident that I give my utmost to those that I love.

Those two qualities combined do not make for a great character analysis. Because I love deeply AND wear my heart on my sleeve, I get my feelings hurt often and can't keep what I'm feeling inside.

But what is most unfortunate about my situation is that I have yet to find another like me, who understands what I go through. Instead, the people I love hurt me and hate me for being upset. It's (I've been told) an annoyance.

I've tried, in past relationships, to stop caring. To not be bothered by the hurtful actions of those I love, and to most certainly not react in a way that exudes my frustration, sadness, hurt ....

What I found out was that when you stop caring, you do just that. You can't not care about how someone makes you feel and still care about the person. It's impossible. In fact, the frustration, the sadness, the hurt - these all come because you care for someone. Without the emotion, there is no love. At least not for me.

So I often come to a crossroads where I have to choose whether I want to continue caring for someone, or stop feeling like the psycho-babble annoyance I know I am. In the past, it hasn't been easy, but I've typically (okay, only once) chosen to stop caring. In the end, it worked out. You move on, you get over it.

But sometimes there are more things at stake than just a relationship or a legal document. Every now and then, things are worth more than to just give up. Even if it means tears and lots of journal pages. It's still worth it.

And that's just the way it is. There is no amount of crazy medicine or therapy sessions that will take away what I feel inside. I've come to accept that it's who I am, and how I love. It is unfortunate, I'll admit - for both myself and the recipient of my feelings. But how do you make those pangs go away? And would you want to?

Sleep - where are you?

2009-07-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

I used to think the worst was sleeping over at someone else's house and developing insomnia because of the unfamiliarity of the surroundings.

But I've changed my mind.

The worst is developing insomnia in my OWN house because of the unfamiliarity of my surroundings. We moved the bedroom into the dining room (what? Isn't that normal?) and I simply cannot get used to it. Granted, this is only my second night sleeping where I should be eating, but still. I'm tired. Exhausted, actually, from my lack of sleep last night. I want to fall asleep. Oh, but my mind will just not drift into unconsciousness.

Land of the Obama bandwagon.

2009-07-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

First, read THIS NEWS STORY.

I am proud to be an American.

Having said that, I am so incredibly saddened by the digression my wonderful country has taken in the past several months (notably, since President Obama has taken office). Censorship has increasingly become more prevalent, but has unfortunately only hit certain groups - conservatives in particular and, well, whites in general.

Anyone who does not fall into either of those categories will lash out at me responding that I am simply closed-minded and a white supremacist for even thinking the censorship that is occurring is unconstitutional. It is contemporary, politically correct and socially accurate, they will say. And this, my dear friend, is exactly why I am so distraught about my country.

The article about Spivack's North Carolina mall kiosk just blows my mind and breaks my heart. Where have all our constitutional rights gone? Well, they're intact if you're in agreement with Mr. President himself. Otherwise, you are a threat.

It's so outrageous to me that a year ago (not even that long) it was socially acceptable to publish books, print T-shirts and display bumper stickers that hailed our then-President, the wonderful George W., as an incompetent idiot who could not form a sentence, let alone run a country full of arrogant know-nothings. However, after a change of office throws in more actual change than most were really expecting (at least for the worst) it is not only politically incorrect to poke fun and call names, but it has become ILLEGAL.

You say, no - it certainly is not illegal, but only severely looked down upon. Oh no, my friend. That ridiculous North Carolina mall management withheld the option for Spivack to renew his lease for the kiosk based SOLELY upon the merchandise he was selling. Furthermore, the mall owner admitted he was appalled by the anti-Obama pieces and that it was grounds for Spivack's discharge.

Come on, America. This is NOT an accurate portrayal of the land of the FREE. We have become the land of the free-if-you-agree-with-Obama-and-the-liberals-and-don't-make-them-look-any-less-important-or-noble-than-they-feel. Can you say hierarchy? That's much too simple. Can you say COMMUNISM? China has given America much more than money.

It truly is a sad time for my beloved country. But not only sad - scary, if you're a white conservative as myself. I must watch my every step, think and re-think my every word. If I say the wrong thing, I be deemed politically incorrect.

If I speak my mind, I may be charged with treason.

Please tell me, who is making these rules.

Please tell me, when can I have my country back?

I must be special for He paid a special price for me..

2009-07-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid (not that long ago) I thought I was special. I thought I was more intelligent than my peers, more mature than the average 13 year old, had more faith than most people especially at my age. I thought I was something, and not because I was arrogant or haughty, but because the people in my life truly made me feel like I was an amazing person.

Ten years down the road, I feel like I've wasted so much time of a life that is already too short. I feel like I've totally let myself down, as well as everyone who loves me. It's clear that I'm not special or spectacular - evident to myself, as well as through the words of people who have known me my entire 2+ decades. It's a terrible feeling to know you have let down the people you love the most. It's terrible knowing they expected more of you, and yet this is what you give them.

But is it possible to really change who you are? Sure, I believe actions and ideals can change. Appearances can change. So can life destinations. But what about personality? Character? No matter how hard I try, I can't change those things.

What I have tried to remember, though, is when I became me. I wish I could remember when I stopped feeling special and started to realize that I'm just another person in the world, and nothing really noteworthy. When did people stop thinking I was special?

I have a suggested theory that you become your surroundings. I guess you really are who your friends are. And if those suck, maybe you suck, too. At 18, I changed my life destination and became my surrounding - a surrounding no one else liked and everyone warned against. Bad decisions lead to more bad decisions, and maybe people think bad decision makers just aren't that special. Ironically, that surrounding was supposed to be the one facet of life to make me feel special, and it was the one that tore me down and made me the sad, untrusting, not-spectacular person I am today.

And maybe it's attitudes like mine that are really the reason people become non-special. Nobody likes a pity party, although I do not believe my party is for pity. I simply wonder why and ask questions that I know will never be answered.

Perhaps if I'd just taken some different steps at 18. Maybe if I'd chosen some different surroundings, I'd still be special.

Heck. Maybe I'm still special after all. Maybe there's somebody who still sees it.

2009-07-01T19:14:00.000-07:00

I forgot how not fun 8-hour car trips are. Good news: it's only a 6-hour trip! Somehow that doesn't make it any better.

I bought an adorable little light that clips to the side of a book to allow night-time reading, writing, 'rithMatic - whatever floats your boat. I was excited to spend the hours of yellow-dashed pavement catching up on my latest adventure through a Jodi Picoult novel (currently reading Harvesting the Heart. So far, so good.) Unfortunately for me, ol' GE decided to write "batteries not included" so small on the package it looks like speckles. Well, that or I didn't bother to check if the darn thing came pre-batterized. Fail.

So now I'm stuck in the dark, listening to whatever Mr. Charming puts through the car speakers. It's putting me to sleep ( not to mention I'm completely exhausted from my ridiculously full day of packing, working, cleaning, doing everything I could possibly fit into my day ). However, my terribly controlling character keeps me from closing my eyes and finding rest. I somehow feel safer if I'm awake, as if I can help avoid a wreck just by being conscious. Doubtful. Charming has driven this route many a day, so I should feel safe. Sure. I trust him. Maybe I will just rest my eyes for a bit.

Carolina sure is on my mind, but it's the having nothing on my mind that I'm
most looking forward to this weekend. Hooray for vacations.

daddys day was made for my daddy

2009-06-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

i remember sitting on the couch near my daddy when he was asleep, holding the orange jack-o-lantern bucket that held all of my hair trimmings, taking each pink barrette and colored scrunchie and making my dads head look like a Barbie on crack.

i remember Christmas eve, my daddy setting up the video camera to record us opening up our gifts and seeing that we got "what we always wanted." we'd give a "thanks, Mom," and my dad would never fail to say "what about Dad?"

i remember going hunting one time early in the cold morning with my daddy, decked out in camouflage and freezing my butt off. the leaves were dry beneath our feet, and although there was no possible way to take a step without making the fallen foliage creak, my dad kept turning around to tell me to be quiet. we didn't get a deer, and i never went hunting again.

my dad has been one of the two most influential people in my life, my mother, of course, being the other. as a teenager, i clearly was the smarter and more wise between my father and i, and as a result, we frequently didn't get along. regardless, i still looked at him as the hardest working, greatest man i've ever known.

23 years with my father, we still bump heads often. we are clones of one another, although we try to infrequently admit it.

i am so thankful to still have my father in my life to influence me, keep me on the right road, to love me. i know he'll always be there for me, no matter what - and that's why i'm the luckiest daughter .. ever.

i love my daddy.

Feats and Feelings, Summer: hello.

2009-06-14T19:38:00.001-07:00

For the very first time in my 23 years of life, I have grown long fingernails! I know, it seems like a small feat, but it has taken me over two decades to break my terrible habit of biting my nails. And I have a wonderful product to show for it. (I even had to file them today. Crazy, it's true) Now ... if I could only stop picking at my face. One step at a time....

Today my 8-year-old teenager started to say "Mommy" when she was talking to me. She corrected herself quickly with no thought of it, but for that millisecond, my heart skipped a tiny beat. It's not that I ever want to be her Mommy, merely because I want her to have the bond with her mother that I have with mine. But just to be that, to be called that - it must be amazing. I love being a pseudo-mom, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. She and the Little One mean more to me than anything. But someday - I'll be a real momma! :)

I digress.

I smelled summer for the first time this year today: tanning oil. Mmm. So good I could eat it - but then I'd be sick and I'd puke everywhere, and then I couldn't go out in the sun and put the tanning oil on and smell summer. So I won't drink it. But it smelled so, so good - it's what I wait for all year. Unfortunately, it made me a little redder (and more sore) than I had intended - but it was so worth it.

And I'll end with this thought: I may not be bikini-season ready, but at least I am aware of the fact enough to cover up what no one wants to see. Please, women (and men) at public pools - take a hint.

Pity Party on Monday

2009-06-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

Could life be a little easier, a little less stressful? Absolutely. But then, I guess, we wouldn't be challenged enough to grow.

At this point, I'm not sure how many more "challenges" I can take, though.

I've always wondered how "nice" people do it. How they react to stressful, trying times. Do they stay quiet, submissive, rational? Are they constantly walked all over and never taken seriously? Or is there a different person underneath the niceness. I wish I knew how to be a nice person - but for some reason, I just can't seem to get that down.

I've ruined a lot of relationships, friendships, all kinds of ships because I'm a mean person. After 23 years of loving myself and losing everyone else, I realize maybe it's time to put someone else in front of me. Loving someone more than myself. I truly thought that might be impossible.

To my surprise, it was easier than I thought. All it takes is the right person (or in my case, people). What I wasn't expecting was the joy you get from loving so deeply and unconditionally.

What I also was unexpectant of, however, was that those persons may not return the same love. Love, sure. But not to the same extent. But all that taught me was to feel what others have been feeling for years - the way I treated them. I guess what goes around truly does come around.

But no one is perfect. No friendship, no relationship, no family is perfect. Disappointment is a given and to be expected. I have been many a disappointment myself. According to my parents, I still am. But there comes a point where you have to make decisions for yourself that directly affect you. Those decisions, I have made and have barely any regrets.

Unfortuantely, others have that same luxury. And when you become that decision, it can be fantastic or fatal. I just want to be the fantastic one. Once.

I want to be the nice person.

I want people to want to be like me, like I want to be like others. But I don't blame anyone for looking at me and running at full speed.

I guess I just don't know how to be what someone wants.

Mother's Day specialty

2009-05-10T20:04:00.000-07:00

today, i was told happy mother's day three times - two of those, the comments were serious.

i am not a mother, and although i jokingly call myself a pseudo-mom to the Little One and the Seven-Year-Old teenager, i am sure being a real mother is much, much different.

i love the munchkins more than i have ever thought i could love anyone, but i wonder what it feels like to have people that literally are mine. i wonder how amazing it is to look at that tiny nose and hear that little giggle and know that minature heart has a place just for me.

i know being a mother must be amazing. my own mother did a perfect job of being a role model and best friend to me. and today, she remains both. i can see how much she loves me through the way she looks at me, talks to me, cries for me. it is touching, to say the least. but most of all, i want to love someone like that.

Little One and the Seven-Year-Old teenager are my life, and although i love them like they are my very own, they are not. i can't imagine being able to love someone more, and i think the love for my biological child would be just about the same. but how can i know?

i guess being a good parent starts before conception: being responsible enough to choose the right time to bring a child into the world - when constratints are withdrawn enough (be it financial, emotional, physical) to allow that child a decent and superior life. so i believe i am being responsible when i know i am not ready for a child of my own in my life. i have two to care for already, and i am afraid i cannot give enough of myself to three dependents. but i surely know i would try.

i am not a mother. and mother's days for the past 23 years have been celebrated occasions of my own mother. but today - after over a year pretending to be the very thing i am not - it hits hard that i am merely a dreamer. i am an actor in an ongoing play. and when the curtains close and i go back to who i really am, i feel like something is missing.

its tough realizing you're not who you thought you were, but i suppose that is life. i may not be a mother, and i may never be. but i will always love like one.

Little Johnny Wants to Play, Rain, Rain, Go Away!

2009-04-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

Rainy days are awesome. But only if I am sitting in my clean house snuggled under a blanket on my big oversized chair reading a book I just cant put down and sipping on a cup of hot Starbucks.

That is not today.

Today, it is raining. I woke up exhausted from the many times E crawled out of bed during the night for various reasons (one was to clean up the stinky poo Daysie left on the floor). After flat-ironing Medusa's hair and lathering up the baby with smelly goods, I made some oatmeal and cinnamon toast (just like my mommy did when I was little) and sat down to watch some Handy Manny. The little one chowed down, even took some for the road. But Medusa - she's so picky and so moody, and the two of those do not mix - she barely ate at all. I'm sure Piper (the great dane) will yum it up out of the garbage can.

No Diet Dew, no NutriGrain bars, no PopTarts to bring to work today. Nothing but a bottle of water (which I gave to E) and a cup of yogurt. Forgot the spoon.

And its raining, remember. The Rover's windshield wipers scrape across the glass making a terrible sound that unfortunately was too similar to nails scratching a chalkboard. (I now need to dig my nails into something soft. It's a strange, strange habit).

Bad assignment at work. I take that back: good assignment, terrible, TERRIBLE copy to revise. I can't believe this freelancer sold their story as bad as it was, and I can't get a single gig. I mean, they really attributed a Web site by using the full www. address. I'm thoroughly flabbergasted.

BUT. Fiesta Bravo and a good lookin' man are in my near future, and that makes all the previous events seem like that one sunflower seed in the bag with no nut in the middle. (Which actually isn't that bad, because the seed covering is still salty).

So I'm actually looking forward to today, regardless of the way it has begun. I'm hoping it ends on a fantastic note, which I am going to make sure of.

Last night, as I was drying Medusa's hair after her shower, she said something made me want to cry a little - although I didn't. (I really shouldn't call her Medusa. Just her hair is crazy, that's all.) As she glanced out the tiny bathroom window that overlooks the neighbor's badly-painted house and a host of other not-so-pretty homes on the adjoining street, she nonchalantly said, "look how beautiful the sunset is."

And it was. My goodness, it was gorgeous. A pink-and-orange-striped blue-gray sky pushed down on the horizon as the sun was trying to make day on another part of the world. It was breathtaking, and I couldn't help but wonder why she saw it and I didn't. But simply, I was too busy.

Tonight, I'm going to look at the sunset, and no matter what it looks like, I know it will be beautiful.

It's a new day.

2009-03-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

When it rains, it pours. So cliche, but so, so true.

As for my dungeon of a vehicle, when it rains, it pours in my backseat. Leaks. Who would think a car would leak? Isn't it supposed to keep you OUT of the rain?

But life goes on despite having a pond in my Rover. (And, ironically, I haven't had water in my house for almost a week because of busted lines. I do not love irony.)

I interviewed a fifth-grade girl today. A spelling-bee champ. Well, almost. She spelled nominative wrong, which made me feel good because I knew how to spell it. But then she threw out tchotchke, which I don't even know how to pronounce, let alone spell. She continued to add insult to injury (or whatever the saying is) by giving me the origin and definition. Smart little girl, and I must say - I am jealous.

But today is a new day, and I am going to be smarter. If not about words, then about life, in general. I'm going to get organized. Get fit. Get happy. Get healthy. Get good. It's about time. And it will be good for me. I need some energy, and I want to have the desire to do things- you know, other than sit at home and play Wii. And even that tells me I'm old! I have a WiiFit age of 33! And before that it was 51! I'm entirely embarrassed to even admit that. I digress.

For now, I must focus on my responsibilities here at work, which unfortunately do not include blogging. No - I have to write a story about a janitor who won a Friends of Youth award. Exciting, I know. But in the guy's defense, he was a total sweetheart, and I look forward to making his day by writing a good thing or two about the guy.

Off to a new day.

I'm clearly an instigator

2009-03-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, I wrote my weekly column for the Parthenon. Typically a bit controversial and always opinionated (factual, nonetheless), this week's article certainly received more attention than usual. In fact, I made Parthenon history by having the most-commented story EVER. I kind of like that.

My story, which you can read here, says it is not equality gays are searching for - it is special rights.

Good Lord, did the liberal community get their panties in a wad over my opinion. Clearly, what I think is pretty important. Apart from the comments on the Parthenon's Web site that bashed, battered, beat and bullied me, I also received e-mails from people calling me nasty names with underlying threats. The last couple days has been utterly sick, but intensely amusing. It's humorous because these people who are so against me and my opinions are proving my point with every word they say. They are allowed to persecute me because of my beliefs, but if I return the favor, it's a hate crime.

It was also very clear that many of the responders had not even read my article. They were mad about things I hadn't even discussed. They called me a hate-monger for hating gays - something I never said or eluded to. I just think it is usually a good idea to read the article before trying to argue it. But what do I know?

Fortunately, the fire has died a little, although there are still some crazies going at it. I was hoping my opinion would provoke an intelligent debate that would encourage open-mindedness and thinking, however it did not. It spawned hate and discrimination ... on myself.

Thanks to all those gay-rights supporters who proved my point that it is okay to be discriminatory and hateful only when you want to be.

Give them their day....

2009-01-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

Following is my article I wrote for class today on the inauguration. It isn't exactly what I wanted to write, but I was trying to take on the opinion of everyone else so I could maybe get a good grade this time.

A chapter made for history books was unveiled today as Barack Obama took the oath of office to become the first African-American president of the U.S.

The estimated crowd of 2 million camouflaged the national mall as far as could be seen from the Capitol building in Washington, D.C. Distinguishable chants of “Obama” rang through the sea of audience as they waited for the man of the hour to make his appearance.

After Vice President Joe Biden, clad in a democratic-blue tie and the smile of a next-in-line president, swore his oath and kissed his family, Obama and his entourage filed out onto the platform amid cheers and tears.

With his right hand raised and his left placed on the same Holy Bible that President Abraham Lincoln once himself swore upon, Obama repeated after Chief Justice John G. Roberts the words that would deem him Mr. President.

But along with one third of the country and nearly the entire governmental staff, Obama’s nerves were present. He stammered through the first few words of the oath and even required Roberts to repeat a phrase he was to recite.

A kiss on the cheek to his golden-clad wife, Michelle, and a scan of his audience of millions began the speech that, for some, would be as inspirational and monumental as the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I thank President (George W.) Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition,” Obama said in his opening statement.

Bush, who was minutes out of his legacy as forty-third U.S. president, kept a straight face for the cameras as Obama uttered gratitude and throughout the inaugural address.

But Obama continued the inauguration that the New York Daily News estimated cost nearly $150 million.

“Our economy is badly weakened,” he said, “a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.”

He conceded that the challenges America now faces are real, they are serious, and they are many. He promised, however, that those challenges will be met, although not easily or quickly. Applause erupted throughout the national mall and inevitably in homes across the nation.

With the sun reflecting off his American flag lapel pin, Obama praised his country.

“We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth,” he said. “Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.”

In the crowd, a man keeping warm in a crocheted cap yawned as the camera zoomed in on his face. But the new president was not retiring from his speech just yet.

He addressed the “guardians of our liberty,” soldiers who Obama said “have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages.” And although the government has power to change and uses that power to do so, he said it is “ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.”

With a “God bless the United States of America,” Obama concluded his speech that will inevitably make its way to history books.

Chants of “yes we can” from the millions looking on sang through the national mall as Obama and Bush walked side by side into the Capitol building, and as Obama possibly thought, “yes, I did.”

For the love of money ...

2009-01-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

Carole Florman, spokeswoman for the joint congressional committee on inaugural ceremonies told the New York Daily News: "We're always very budget conscious. But we're sending a message to the entire world about our peaceful transition of power, and you don't want it to look like a schlock affair. It needs to be appropriate to the magnitude of events that it is."

Budget conscious? Clearly. The current estimation for the inaugural festivities is $150 MILLION. Please realize this is all coming not only during a recession, but after the government just spent billions of dollars bailing out businesses that ran themselves into the ground and, not two weeks later, were treating themselves to weekend spa retreats. Is this really the way to spend our money?

Granted, I do not know where this money is coming from exactly. I'm still doing my research. I do know, however, that these festivities are so ginormous that President Bush had to issue an emergency fund of $15 million of federal money today in order to secure the peace and safety in D.C.

Why am I not mad at Dubya for spending the money? Not because I love him. No ... it's because I will NEVER argue spending money for safety's sake. Although I think this inauguration is getting WAY out of hand, D.C. residents can't help that millions of people are invading their hometown and that is no reason to compromise safety. And even if I think it's ridiculous that so many people are traveling to their Mecca this week, I believe in humanity and life, and I support safeguarding life no matter who the person is (well, with the exception of the death penalty, but that's another day in itself).

Having said that - should the money have been 100 percent private funds that were voluntarily given to the inauguration fund, I STILL do not think Obama should allow this amount of money to be spent on a party for himself. If he is any kind of a leader, he'd find a better use for $150 million dollars. I know I could. Where is your love for the welfare system now, liberals? Ah. Seems you are just as selfish as you make the GOP out to be. Shame on you.

But, alas, I have to admit. If my man Dubya were entering a third term as President, my Commander-in-Chief, leader of my beloved country ... I'd be there, too.

Crying out Dubya, Crying in Obama

2009-01-18T23:22:00.000-08:00

it's the beginning of the last day of administration for my main man Dubya. truly, it is a sad day in the history of America. George Walker Bush was a great president, and nice to look at too. (what can i say, i'm a fan) but tuesday, he's gone forever as commander in chief of my country. instead, a celebrity will take his place. a relatively inexperienced man who won the presidency because of the color of his skin, and i believe that with everything in me.

i'll be the first to tell you that having a black man as president is fine. a human is a human, regardless of the contrast of the skin color. HOWEVER, it is not in any way okay to have the presidency (or any office or seat, for that matter) filled by election of a person based in any means on their skin color. that is racism.

everyone is telling me how big of an event this is: the first black president in the history of America. big deal. you want equality? then maybe we shouldn't throw a big shindig. we haven't for any other president-elect. not to mention, this will be the most expensive inauguration party EVER ... and we are right in the middle of a recession. maybe we could distribute that money you're spending on Beyonce to struggling Americans across the country. what am i saying? we need Beyonce.

i'll be watching the events, i can't say i wont. i'd be watching no matter who was being inaugurated. id watch in between vomits if it were hillary. i'll be watching in between tears on tuesday.

prove me wrong, Obama. please. i love my country and i want to continue to be proud to be an American.

free speech, but for a price

2009-01-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

i got a 75 on this in my public affairs class. of course. the assignment was an opinion piece, but clearly i was supposed to use someone else's opinion.

Change has been his motto, and subsequently throughout the last year and a half, the majority of the country has jumped onto President-elect Barack Obama’s bandwagon.

It is nearly inevitable his inauguration speech will mimic the same theme, addressing the last eight years of so-called failed leadership and promising revolutionary actions. He will advocate for the American dream and vow to give every American the opportunity to achieve their dreams. His pledge to resolve the economic crisis will be empowering and optimistic. The nation will be relieved that finally, finally, there is a leader that will make the right changes.

But it won’t be the first time.

Coming out of the Vietnam War and Watergate, America was needful of something fresh and new. It needed a leader who was honest and intelligent, willing to restructure the country into the greatness it was known for. In came Jimmy Carter. A Georgia governor with minimal national and foreign-policy experience, his ideals of change alleviated the nation’s anxiety that had built up over the last few years. He pledged to create jobs, albeit by increasing federal spending. In his inauguration speech, he addressed the American dream.

“The American dream endures,” Carter said. “We must once again have full faith in our country and in one another. I believe America can be better. We can be even stronger than before. … These are not just my goals, and they will not be my accomplishments, but the affirmation of our Nation's continuing moral strength and our belief in an undiminished, ever-expanding American dream.”

But it didn’t take long for Carter’s approval rating to drop dramatically. His failed attempts to deal with an Iranian seizure as well as U.S. economic problems consequently flushed his popularity.

Although the Obama-infatuated country may refuse to see it, the president-elect is not exempt from the risk of failure – especially with the tremendous platform of change he has promised America, which he will likely reinforce during his inaugural speech.

The risk has nothing to do with Obama as an individual, except perhaps that he has vowed things he may not be capable of delivering. It is, however, his appeal to such great change that the country now expects. It may be that once he doesn’t perform like he said he would, his popularity may be drowned, just as Carter’s.

Think of the powerful, patriotic words President George W. Bush spoke during his post-Sept. 11 speech in 2001. The country was on his side ready to “make no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts and those who harbor them.”

Eight years later, that same country despises their once-adored leader and condemns the actions of security measures, like wiretapping.

Unfortunately, those are the results of a free nation, and that is the risk Obama takes by making such big promises of change during his campaign and his inaugural address. With good fortune, he’ll thrive and go down in history books as one of the biggest presidential success stories of all time. But it is likely he will make mistakes, as do all leaders good and bad, and those once adoring fans will turn on him as they have his predecessors.

Nevertheless, the soon-to-be President will inevitably deliver a typical Obama speech during his inauguration that will knock the socks off the nation, if not the world. It will be a message representative of the powerful and persuasive orator he has proven to be throughout his campaign. It can be assumed, with regard to his previous speeches, that he will not imitate George Washington’s second inaugural address, which was a whopping 652 words.

But whatever Obama brings, whether it be a simple smile or an all-day event, it is sure to be unforgettable. It will be a day America will remember forever.

lady in red

2009-01-13T19:12:00.000-08:00

if i were a feminist, i would be irate at the portrayal of women the media has splattered across the public. its nearly impossible to sit in a movie theater and not see a pair of boobs cross the screen at least once. its sad.

however, i am not a feminist by any means, and i am not irate at the media. it is the women, themselves, that make me sad, sick. women are voluntarily stripping off their clothes in front of the camera just to make the movie more appealing to men (and some women, i guess). im not sickened by the men (as much as the women). they, like the rest of us, are viewers. the naked ho's in the movies are the enablers, if you will.

i just think its sad that women have allowed this image to be associated with us. you don't see men baring it all in anything rated under XXX. it's not socially acceptable, but only because they have not allowed it to be. men have more decency than women, as much as i find that difficult to say.

where have all the jackie o's gone? where are the audrey hepburns? sure, pamela anderson and carmen electra are super-rich celebrities, but let's face it: they're skanks. i wish women would take back their classy role of being ladies. unfortunately, i'm afraid those days may be long gone.

So far, so good

2009-01-12T12:07:00.000-08:00

First full week of the new year was a great success. Okay, just kind of.

I finished a book the first week. Jodi Picoult is an incredible author, I just have to plug that. I read Salem Falls, and it was pretty good. Good enough to not be able to put it down for a week. Of course, all her books are that good. I'll start a new one today.

My meals last week were uber healthy! Grilled chicken, salads, rice, veggies, fruit. I did it up right. Then Sunday came. I won't give a number related to how many donuts I ingested, but it was my day off and I thoroughly enjoyed my Krispy Kreme indulgence. (glutton would be a better term)

Week two has started and I'm a little less motivated, but none the less sure of what I need to do. I think I need to add "cut internet pool" to my resolution list, but I dont think I can do that just yet.

Got a ticket this morning at 5 a.m. for expired tags. That just doesn't happen, people. Po-pos don't just drive around the city in the DARK looking for expired tags. There's a tipoff in the mix, and that means war.

On another note, President Bush gave his final press conference this morning. How proud I am of that man. What an incredible job he had, and a fine job he did. Perfect? Of course not. No one has, could or will. But he did what he thought was best for the country, as he said during his press conference, and that's all we can ask for. I am going to miss that ol' cowboy. I'm not excited about this "change" we've got coming to us, but for the country's sake, I hope he does a heck of a job. Good luck, Obama.

Hippie Rich Kid

2009-01-05T21:09:00.000-08:00

last night, i discovered podcasts. even better, they're free. i know, im way behind in the world of technology. nevertheless, im pumped. its like continual talk radio, but only on the things i want to hear.

im a little embarassed to admit it, but it makes feel a little bit cooler. kind of like i should be wearing thick, black-rimmed glasses drinking a non-fat latte and carrying a MacBook. granted, i'd kill to be carrying a MacBook (and drinking a latte while wearing black glasses) - but i'm not.

i secretly have an obsession with wanting to be a hippie. i want to live green and care about the environment and have a million bumper stickers on the back of my car. however, that's totally against everything that i am. so - i'll stick with being a politically incorrect conservative who listens to talk radio via podcast downloads on my old-school iPod. thats me.

and me right now is a little scared. i'm not sure about what is going to happen in the not-too-distant future. i have financial obligations that i'm struggling to meet, a sickeningly tight schedule that i must fit in being a full-time student, a full-time employee and a full-time intern. i haven't figured out how to possibly do that, but i'm hoping it will all come together.

i was thinking in the car today what i'd do if i won the lottery. i wouldnt give it to charity (well, maybe the city mission.) would it change me? abso-frickin-lutely! id be debt free and so would my family! if that isn't enough to change a person, i'm not sure what is! i thought about all the things i would buy and the kind of house i would build. it was an exciting few minutes. then i came back to reality and threw up a little in my mouth.

Piper and Me

2009-01-02T21:43:00.000-08:00

i just saw Marley and Me. apart from the several minutes we had to stand outside in the cold because of a fail fire alarm, the movie was extraordinary. i'll just put it this way: i cried so hard i have a headache. it was unbearably sad, and i definitely wasn't expecting that.

i was so ready to get home to see piper. i love how she is so excited to see us when we get home. she really does love us!! see - i bought Cash (the devil chihuahua)when i was going through my depressed stage because i wanted someone to always love me. silly, i know. unfortunately, that didn't work out. he bites me. hard. but piper - she really does love me. in fact, marley reminded me a lot of piper - especially when he was tearing up everything and driving Jennifer Aniston crazy. yeah, that's us.

everyone needs a dog. not a cat or a bird. a dog. they really are man's best friend.

p.s. E cried, too! it was THAT good! :)

My Not New Years Resolutions

2009-01-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

i understand that no one really keeps new years resolutions. its a given. but there's something about new beginnings that is so inspiring and exciting. it's what inclines us all to say (and actually believe) that this time is different and we'll really turn our lives around. i call bs.

so .. this year, im not going to make a list of new years resolutions at which i will ineveitably fail.

i am, however, going to set my mind to changing several things for '09 that basically sucked in '08. but ... they are NOT new years resoltions. (just let me believe it)

one time, i made a list of 21 things i wanted to do before i was 21 (i only did one of them). i guess this is kind of like that. just a few things i want to do before 2010. i could have saved a lot of time just writing "My New Years Resolutions: ..." i understand this. whatever.

things to do before 2010:
blog daily (or at least more than once a month)
read a book a week
lose weight
become an amazing cook
pay off credit cards (and maybe even start some savings)
grow long fingernails!
submit an article to a magazine
teach Cash to be submissive
take lots of photos (and actually have some printed)
tell my parents more that i love them
perfect my golf swing
become less of a schizophrenic psycho
wear heels and dresses A LOT

okay. im stressed just thinking about that list, so i'll stop there. i'm excited about this year. i finally will graduate college (well, that is the plan)! i just hope this year is better than the last. it won't take much to beat it.

tomorrow, i start on my list. today is a holdiay, so its a freebie.

people make me angry

2008-10-05T18:23:00.001-07:00

people crack me up.

i interviewed all four mayoral candidates for the city recently. fairly easy articles to write: question and answer, write it down. until i reached my last interview, that is. first of all, we prayed before the interview - which is fine because i was not offended. however, i think that's risky because it could offend some people and i am never for pushing religion upon anyone. i wouldnt want a muslim to ask me to pray to whoever it is they pray to with them. anyway, i digress.

so this woman wouldnt let me use a tape recorder, which with a question and answer format, you HAVE to use a recorder to make sure you get the words verbatim. but whatever. i made her repeat and repeat - which was her fault. ... so the article comes out - and i get an email telling me i made many mistakes and she wants them corrected. she said the quotes were not direct.

that makes me want to scream.

but whatever. i did my part. i made one mistake that i can see, and i can deal with that. i'm not perfect.

its been a good weekend. im not ready for another week of school.

im a brat.

2008-10-02T09:57:00.001-07:00

it seems like everytime i'm feeling overly sorry for myself and the only thing im enjoying is the pity party thrown especially for me, something is thrown down in my path that tells me to stop being such a brat and that - hey - it could be worse.

like yesterday. i was running a few errands and trying to keep the tears inside my eyelids (i cry. its just what i do.) i was mentally running through all the recent events that allowed me to feel sorry for myself and really thought that i was just at the bottom of the barrell. i mean, my life is just in shambles, right? about that time, i saw a woman pushing what i assume to be her handicapped son in a wheelchair and, well, i just felt like the scum of the earth - for all new reasons. those two people have experienced a thousand more troubled times than i have, and i can imagine their daily tribulations are much more complicated than the ones i stress over. when i step back and take a look at my life, its really nothing to throw a dramatic shindig over, although i do daily. sure, my issues are upseting to me - and this instance does not ease the pain of the things i do go through, small or not - but my life could be so much worse. i am truly blessed. i need these reminders every now and then to tell me to grow up, stop being a spoiled brat and just deal with life. sometimes you cant just cry and make things better. sometimes you have to actually try and make an effort. perhaps thats what i'll do.

ps. i know why the caged bird sings. i just watched two lovebirds (pun intended) get it on. rather strange. its one of those things you dont really want to watch but you cant look away. then again, im weird.

mtv vmas hatin' on my man, dubya

2008-09-07T18:15:00.000-07:00

i havent watched the mtv vmas since i was in high school, but i was really excited about britney showing up tonight, thoroughly hoping she would perform. (as of yet, she has not) but the opening speech by russell brand - the host - disgusted me completely. i know it wasnt that guy's words because he is merely an employee of mtv. however, i am appalled by mtv's use of their ginormous platform as a plug for barack - or any candidate for that matter!! and to add to that - they bad-mouthed president bush, which always pisses me off. called him a stupid cowboy. id like to punch that russell brand and the people of mtv in the butt.

Ch-ch-changes!!!

2008-09-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

sometimes change is okay. sometimes change is absolutely necessary. as i have found out, sometimes change is for the better.

today, i didnt go back to sleep after i dropped E off to work. instead, i did work for class - and finished it BEFORE class, a revolutionary experience for me.
today, i parked in a free parking spot and walked an extra block to class. parking-ticket free, living a block greener.
today, i was early for class. early for only one, but that, too, is revolutionary.

today is a new day for myself, and i kind of love it. i have plans for additional revolutionary moments to put into my life. some may take longer than others, but i am determined to revamp 'jen.' this change will be okay. this change is necessary. this change is most definitely for the better.

unfortunately, i am not a fan of obama or i would say his slogans inspired me. however, he did not. i digress.

life is good, even when it sucks. just so you know.

My Life, A Catch 22

2008-08-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

I'm always wrong, never right. I can never win. I try something one way and get reprimanded. I try the opposite and get shunned. I am a bad word, its the worst thing ever. I try to be nice, it is forgotten immediately. I'm confused.

Sometimes I just feel like crying. But then again, that's wrong, too.

I'm going to take a nap. I can't do anything wrong while I'm asleep. Or can I?

silly thoughts

2008-08-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

i hate change. i have never understood why a good thing can't stay the way it is. does it always turn ugly? well, in my experience, yes. thats unfortunate.

my biggest aggravation is change in people. how is this possible? it brings up the very eerie , how do you ever know who a person really is? i mean, someone can't really change so dramatically in a short period of time can they? my theory is that people run on emotions (and i figure im pretty safe to trust in that theory). at the start of something new, emotions are at a high and it feels like the best thing ever. then you come off that high and realize its really just so so. and then you want something better - more like that original high. but is that reality? i dont think so. everything has a down side, which mean nothing and no one is perfect. we have to learn to love what and who we have. sometimes, love just isnt enough.

ps. i think im a pretty classy girl, no matter what anyone else says.

2008-08-12T22:20:00.000-07:00

i love the olympics. america is awesome.

is there really anything more to say?

yes.

i feel a little retarded every time the Star Spangled Banner is played and a US athlete has a medal placed around their neck. i get teary eyed, its true. but its a sense of pride. national love. i mean, we kind of are the greatest country ever. and i dont mean just in the olympics. (beceause china definitely rocked out the womens gymnastics, im not going to lie.) but really - despite the fact that we are trillions in debt and have two not-so-exciting candidates for president, our country rocks. id elaborate, but my stomach is yelling at me to feed it. and although i probably wont, considering it is 130 in the morning, i dont have the energy to think about why my country is 'da bomb,' let alone move my fingers excessively fast to type why it is 'da bomb.' so - i'll leave it at that.

ps. michael phelps is pretty awesome, too.

dreams at night haunt my day

2008-07-23T10:59:00.000-07:00

dreaming exhausts me. for the hours that i lie unconscious in my bed, i'm not really asleep. instead, i live in a world that i can not control. i talk, i think, i feel. and when i wake up, im completely unrested.

every now and then i'll have a dream that haunts me through the course of the next day. sometimes even extensively longer. it's like no matter how much i try to divert my mind from the previous night's events, it keeps flashing into my mind. its almost as if it really happenend. it is annoying and scary and delightful - all at the same time.

like last night, i dreamed crazy. i dont really remember the first part, but the ending (or the part before the incessant phone ringing woke me up) continuously and annoyingly pops into my train of though. i was at some sort of a carnival with my boyfriend and a very chunky and infant little boy (his adorable son). but my ex-husband then entered the scene, wanting me back. he adored me, loved me - a far cry from reality. i was happy - knowing that, for once, he actually wanted me. the boyfriend was upset, but understanding. i was torn, but at the same time i knew the boyfriend didnt adore me the way my ex-husband was showing me that he did. ironic, because i'd say its the complete opposite in real life.

the dream was abruptly ended at the point where my ex and i were driving to my small house in the woods - to my love, the boyfriend.

i'll be the first to say that i dont believe dreams have any significant meaning to the life which i live in reality. i feel they are merely fictional, no-facts-based stories conjured during unconsciousness. i know others will disagree. but either way, i have these dreams - and they are so real. i think logically, feel emotions, feel physically. and, as i mentioned, when i wake up it almost feels as if i had really lived through the instance.

i dont have an answer as to why - but id really like for them to go away. if for nothing else, so i can have a decent night of rest.

mixed emotions, happy conclusion

2008-07-14T10:37:00.000-07:00

ive been at camp caleb during the designated week in july since i was in the sixth grade - 11 years ago. the first eight years as a camper, jumping at all of the popcorns, running so hard in frisbee football i thought i may have a heatstroke, kicking all the others girls' butts in basketball, taking home a good 50 percent of the awards. and then the last three years as a counselor, trying to be to the younger girls what my predecessors had been to me.

this morning, the vans left to go to camp caleb this week - without me.

i know this is the time during which i have to grow up: stay home because i have two jobs that i cant do without and summer school that starts that i must pass or else i dont graduate in the spring (already a year late). i know these things have to get done, and i feel a bit of self-satisfaction knowing i made the mature, logical decision to stay home and take care of what needs done. but at the same time, i know i'm missing out on the morning roll call, the team games that always get me riled up and make me want to be a camper again, the nasty cafeteria food, the girls circle at night trying to get the boys cabin area to hear us (although i know its impossible) and sitting in the hot, dirty bunk bed at night writing in my journal, missing home and wanting to leave. most of all, i know im missing out on the blessing that i would inevitably get just from being there. especially the girls who run up to me and give me a hug, so glad that i will be there all week. its good to be wanted.

but since im stuck in h-town dubya vee, i guess i should make the most of it. and, ya know, its not so bad after all. i get to spend this week with the one i love, chilling at the pool or playing card games or the sega. i get to see my family every single day - a luxury many people are not blessed with, even if they are near home. so what if i have to work? at least i have a place to live, a nice car (ok make that a crappy piece of junk that doesnt run) and nice things. i dont give my life enough credit.

life is good. (except for being on hold with Apple for 30 minutes. good holding music, though)

nothing to say.

2008-07-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

i love summer. make that LOVE LOVE summer. unfortunately, being an adult means that i am not allowed to enjoy the beautiful, warm sun or the glimmering cool water of the community pool. no, instead, i have to don my peanut-encrusted logans outfit and serve people drinks and food. its a dirty job. but someone has to do it. and unfortunately, that person is me for the time being. whatever pays the bills, right?

im tired. people wear me out. and so does being at the pool all day. (okay, i admit it. i DID 86 work to lay at the pool. =)

good freaking night.

rainy days equal no thoughts

2008-07-09T12:21:00.000-07:00

with a little inspiration from a fellow classmate, i have been in deep obsession with photoshop for the past two days. i feel that creativity is one of my better qualities. if not enough information to assume so, this picture of evan and myself is todays creation. (psily)

i find it ironic how it rains only on my days off.

maybe i shouldnt take days off.

bachelorette and other musings

2008-07-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

i am thoroughly upset about last night's bachelorette finale. pretty pretty deanna - whose heart was tragically broken by brad womack two seasons ago - picked ugly ugly jesse to marry ... and do other things with. look at him. hes such a goofball. but i guess looks arent everything. (pause) YEAH RIGHT.

no, really, i'm kidding. they arent.

evan (the significant other) thinks im crazy for being so obsessed with the lives of these people. he says its just a show and that its completely scrpited. he just doesnt get it. i mean - heck ... when joey and dawson didnt end up together (dawsons creek ... come on, people) my friend kristi and i bawled our eyes out. we grew up with these kids on the creek. its just our generation. we no longer play in the literal creek, we watch it on tv. thats why we're all fat.

speaking of fat, i should be doing some yoga or some kind of physical movement other than bobbing my fingers up and down on the keyboard. i shall go make myself less of a blob of yuck.

until next time.

revelations

2008-07-07T08:58:00.000-07:00

i tried for about a whole week to imitate on my blog the object of my obsession - perez hilton. i quickly realized i have neither the time nor the connections to be a gossip ganstar. oh well. maybe one day.

for now, i guess i'll keep my musings to a minimum by sharing them only with my significant other. i'm not sure whether or not he appreciates that. perhaps he wishes i would keep a blog. i digress.

moral of this story: its my blog. i will write whatevertheheck i want to write - whether its about my dreary day or amy winehouse going into rehab even though she said no, no, no! who really reads blogs anyway? (okay, i do.)

for now, peace out.

Sick politics.

2008-05-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

(fast forward the video to 0:40)

This is truly appalling. When is that crazy church of Obama's going to stop raising hell (pun intended).

This time, it's not even that racist Rev. (if you can call him that) Jeremiah Wright. The church invited the father Michael Pfleger from Faith Community of St. Sabina in Chicago. He's white, but I think he'd rather not be.

Heres what he says:

"...honest enough to address the one who says, 'don't hold me responsible for
what my ancestors did. But you have enjoyed the benefits of what your ancestors
did. And unless you are ready to give up the benefits: throw away your 401 fund,
throw away your trust fund, throw away all the money that's been put away in the
company you walked into 'cause your daddy and your grandaddy and your
great-grand.... Unless you're willing to give up the benefits, then you must be
responsible for what was done in your generation because you are the beneficiary
of this insurance policy."

Sick, isn't it? It gets better.

"We must be honest enough to expose white entitlement and supremacy wherever it
raises its head. I've said it before, and I really don't want to make this
political, because you know I'm very unpolitical. But, when Hillary was crying,
and people said it was put on- I really don't believe it was put on. I really
believe she just always thought that 'this is mine. I'm Bill's wife, I'm white
and this is mine. I just gotta get up and step into the plate.' And then out of
nowhere came 'Hey, I'm Barack Obama.' And she said, 'Oh damn! Where did you come from? I'm white! I'm entitled! There's a black man stealing my show!' She wasn't the only one crying. There was a whole lot of white people crying!"

It makes me cringe everytime I watch the video. It's just so absurd the profanities coming out of this "man of God." (By the way, I'd like to know which god called him into the ministry because I don't want to serve that one.) According to this crazy-man, we (whites) are supposed to give up our luxuries and anything of worth passed down to us through the generations because of slavery and black oppression that existed hundreds of years ago. I'm sorry - I'm pretty sure I had nothing to do with that. Pfleger says we have to be responsible for what happened in our generation. Well, genius, it wasn't in ANY of our generations, except for maybe a few old senile senior citizens who don't even remember it.

And his comments regarding Hillary were just unnecessary and completely racist. If she feels that she is entitled because she's white, then whatever. But you can't just assume that. It's a very generalized racist statement toward ALL whites that is unfair.

And this guy is white! That's what is funny/sick about the whole thing.

Look - if you want to make comments regarding whites like that, thats totally fine. Just don't try to slap a discrimination lawsuit on someone when they say something slightly negative about blacks. That's all I ask.

Get Your Cosmos Ready!!!

2008-05-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

The day all of us cosmo-drinking, stiletto-wearing, city-loving gals (and some gents) have been waiting for has FINALLY come.

I'm sad, but I don't get to see it until tomorrow night. But I think we all have a pretty good idea of what's going on before we even go.

Let's just hope Charlotte really has her baby and Carrie and Big really get married.

The New Indiana Jones: Verdict is in

2008-05-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

It was JUST okay. (But it's always nice to have a bit of Harrison Ford action, even if the beautiful Sean Connery was MIA).

Although the new Dr. Jones movie has almost reached record highs during its opening week, I have to agree with the critics that say it isn't as brilliant as expected.

My take on the film: too much George Lucas, not enough Steven Spielberg. Too space-agey, futuristic and not as much like the original Indiana Jones'. And, to boot, there were several scenes that were obviously computer-generated and noticably fake. I was not impressed.

However, I was delightfully surprised at Shia LeBouf's performance. I'll be the first to say I'm not a fan of the former Disney actor, but he delivered better than I expected.

All I have to say is there better not be ANOTHER sequel. Leave it alone.

Candidates Heart Evangelists

2008-05-23T08:56:00.000-07:00

I wonder if people really believe these crazy politicians.

Sure, John McCain has repudiated endorsements from preachers John Hagee and Rod Parsley. Obama has done the same with his long-time pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright. All three "evangelists" have made unfortunate public statements, which have required the candidates to reject their endorsements.

And thats just it: Obama and McCain have no other choice BUT to reject their endorsements. If they agreed with them, they'd be committing election suicide.

But do people really believe that these candidates are rejecting the endorsements because of personal beliefs? Or are American voters intelligent enough to realize it is merely a publicity stunt?

I mean, come on - do you really think Obama is going to deny his relationship with racist Rev. Wright, his pastor of nearly 20 years, in private? Heck no! He will in the public eye, caught up in the media frenzy. But once he is voted in as commander-in-chief, don't think that relationship will be tossed to the wayside.

McCain, on the other hand, is not directly related to Hagee or Parsley. He has, allegedly, never attended either of the pastors' churches. They simply publicly endorsed the candidate, and then made heinous statements that enraged critics looking to find something to talk about.

All I have to say is don't buy into all the candidates' BS until after November (and even then it's real iffy). Everything they say right now is to make you happy with them so they can have your vote.

S.C. High School Principal Resigns Over Gay Club

2008-05-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

Eddie Walker, principal of Irmo High School in Columbia, S.C., has submitted his letter of resignation effective after the 2008-09 school year because of a Gay-Straight Alliance club to be formed within the school.

Attorneys have advised the school to allow the club to form and meet to avoid costly lawsuits that are likely to follow. Walker said his "professional beliefs and religious convictions" would not allow him to remain the principal at such an institution.

Let the "conservative bigot" talk begin.

I understand Walker's convictions and realize the difficult he might have in his position of administration. But, really, what can you do? This is America - land of the free - and it kind of has to be that way. The only solution, other than letting the club form, is to prohibit ANY clubs to meet.

The Irmo H.S. website homepage lists the meetings for the extra-curricular clubs, and the Fellowship of Christian Atheletes tops the page. You know critics will take that and run. But I will have to agree with them on this one.

I'll be the first to say that homosexuality is wrong and unnatural and I do not agree with it in any way. However, in light of civil rights freedoms, how can some people be granted rights, but not others?

But then again, I don't think gay marriage should be legalized. Call me a hypocrite - I don't care.

But as for Walker resigning, I'm not sure it as the best decision. The next principal will probably be a gay, transgender, drag queen ....

Whites want Hillary

2008-05-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

Kentucky exit polls show that race was a factor in Tuesday's primary, the Associated Press is reporting. One in five white voters said race influenced their vote - and about 90 percent of those voters supported Hillary.

Obama was winning the white vote in Oregon, which seemed to have race as a lesser factor in the decision-making of voters.

CNN senior political analyst David Gergen said Hillary should tell these "racists" that she does not want their vote.

Glad you're not her campaign manager, Davie.

Mr. Gergen is obviously a liberal who pro-equality. Which makes his following statement interesting.

"She and her husband both have, I think, well-earned reputations in the civil rights front," Gergen said. "She's never had redneck votes before in her life. I see no reason why she can't take the high road here in the closing days of this campaign."

Ahh. How very politically correct of Mr. Gergen. I find that hypocrites are hilarious. I laugh at them.

Hillary needs to go Bye Bye!

2008-05-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

Obama takes Oregon, and Clinton kills in Kentucky. Talk is that Hillary should bow out of the race. I'm going to have to agree.

Disclaimer: I am not an Obama supporter.

BUT - Hillary really has no chance at this point. Obama is a mere 70-ish delegates away from winning the nomination and is millions of dollars ahead of her in funding. In fact, Hillary's campaign is in debt and has borrowed several million dollars from her personal fund. (Wonder what Bill thinks about that?)

And quite frankly, Florida and Michigan are not going to count toward delegates. And if they do, it's wrong. They chose to break the rules, deal with the consequences. Now, don't get me wrong, I'd like Hillary to have those delegates and potentially beat Obama to the nomination - simply because McCain will beat her out, but might not against Obama. But still ... the states made their decisions, and I don't think rules should be bent backward for special treatment. For anyone.

All I know is McCain has a LOT of campaigning to do. Serious hard core work in the next few months. Obama is a tough competitor. I mean, there are more black voters than ever (because of Obama) and that's what will hurt the Republican party.

May the best man win.

Obama has some crazy supporters

2008-05-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

Never a dull moment in the world of politics.

Obama is mad at the media. Aww.

He is retorting to a recent Tennessee GOP ad that bashed his wife's statement: "for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am proud of America." Sick. Obama said that Michelle should not be a factor in the 2008 campaign.

I disagree.

First of all, there is the possibility (unfortunately, a pretty big one) that Michelle will be the next First Lady of the United States. That automatically makes her a factor in the presidential campaign - to me, anyway. Personally, I don't want a First Lady who hasn't been proud of her country for 20-some years. If you don't love America, leave.

Secondly, she has been campaigning hard-core for her husband, which she should be, of course. Any candidate's spouse would. (Refer to Mrs. Clinton, Bill.) But by putting herself out there through campaigning, she is also allowing herself to be vulnerable to scrutiny from not only the media, but American voters, in general.

But it gets better.

On a Fox News debate (get over it - I still watch Fox), a Democratic analyst (I forget his name) said the reason her statement has received so much criticism is a result of racism. Yeah, RACISM. Give me a bloody break. It's not because the woman is black, are you kidding me? It's because she implied that she had not been proud of her country for decades. Period. If the woman was white, red, purple or green, it would still be a big deal.

Here's a good example of racism, however. Barack and Michelle's ridiculous pastor Jeremiah Wright of Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago called our beloved country the United States of White America and USofKKKA. I mean, really?

He also said the reason why people are "hating on Barack Obama" is because he doesn't fit the mold: he's not white, he's not rich and he's not privileged.

First - he's not white. His mother is a white American from Kansas, so if you want to get technical, he's just as much white as he is black.

Secondly - the Obama's 2008 tax return will show that they were about $9,000 short of $1 million gross income for the year. That's not well off? Give me a break. That's much more than the average American.(For Obama's home state of Illinois, the median income for federal fiscal year 2008 for a 4-person family was around $72,000)I think they're doing okay for themselves.

As for privileged, I guess that's up to personal interpretation of the term. I'm going to go with yes.

In conclusion, I say don't lay off his wife, as he has requested, unless by some chance she agrees to keep herself out of the campaign limelight. And as for racism, give me a break. You want equality, you can have it. Stop using the color of your skin to get what you want. We had a movement in the sixties that stopped whites from doing it - I figure it's about time for blacks and every other color to stop doing it, as well.