An Uneventful VMA

So, I'm not really a VMA patron. I never watched it as a teenager. In fact, last year was the first time I actually sat down and made an evening of watching the pre-show and awards (at which I was thoroughly disappointed because of Russell Brand's outrageous remarks).

But, of course, I am obsessed with celebrities and their luxurious, fantastical lives, so I must have all the 411.

Here are a few VMA thoughts from tonight's show:

*Russell Brand is (still) a loud, offensive skank. We know Obama is president, thanks. And we don't need his British help promoting the terrible healthcare plan. But, then again, its probably safe to say he has no idea what the plan entails - just riding the Obama bandwagon like all the other supporters.

*Lady Gaga? Music - rocks. Person - freak. Arrives in a decorated neck brace, continuously makes out with Kermit the Frog, splatters blood all over her white outfit and crazy face, changes into a catsuit that covers her face (freak) and then wraps a bird nest around her head. Crazy girl is trying way too hard.

*Kanye West is a douche. An inconsiderate, rude jerk. Taylor Swift deserved the Pop Video award, and Kanye can suck it.



*Beyonce is super classy for giving Taylor a chance to have her moment. Diva? No. Dynamic.

*Jack Black praying to satan? What was the purpose?

*The red carpet pre-show was a total disappointment. Isn't the point of the pre-show to see all the stars and what they're wearing? They featured less than a dozen celebs! So sad.

*Back to Beyonce. KILLER performance. She rocked the house. I HAVE to learn that dance.

*The Michael Jackson tribute was rather disappointing, as well. I was expecting a kick-butt memorial, but was actually rather bored. Boo to that. He was a freak, anyway.

*Kristin Cavallari: super skinny. What is her secret?!

*New Moon trailer: I don't get the hype.

*Yay for B Spears grabbing an award. Boo for her not performing (or showing up).

All in all, I was pretty upset that I sat for hours watching the VMAs. Apart from the Kanye/Taylor debacle, it was relatively uneventful. Someday, though, I'll be there. In the audience, but I'll be there.

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A beautiful wedding, an unfortunate end, a wonderful life now lived

I sometimes randomly come across my wedding DVD (even after strategically hiding it in places where I do not typically look so as to avoid this), and I can't help but pop it in my computer and watch the tragic event unfold. So was the case tonight.

Looking back, I don't understand how I didn't see that day what is so incredibly clear from the camera lens. Sure, I looked relatively happy (and pretty, if I might say so), but I think I was the only one.

I don't know that I ever saw X smile once while being filmed. And, of course, I'll never forget walking down the aisle and watching him scan the sanctuary, my bridesmaids ... everyone but me. Shouldn't this have been a big, red flag?

This is typical in life ... well, in mine, anyway. When I want something, I make it seem like the greatest thing, no matter the reality.

Example: I bought my Land Rover Discovery although it not only looked like a piece of crap, but expelled oil, didn't have a passenger-side mirror, was keyed on both sides - oh, and required premium gas even during a recession. But I had a Rover. Needless to say, the thing died and I sold it for half of my investment less than a year later. It was a waste of my time and money that could have been prevented had I listened to what my father told me.

Oh, how familiar that is.

Had I listened to what not only my father told me, but also my friends, family, coworkers, and people I didn't even know, I would not have wasted over $20K (okay, my parents) on a wedding, although beautiful, that really meant nothing.

I can't say that I really have regrets. Yes, not going through with the most beautiful wedding I've ever attended ('tis true) would have saved me and many others many a crying morning/afternoon/day/night. But at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to understand the situation I'm in. If I didn't have to fall out of love, I wouldn't know how to love with everything I have. For that, I am truly grateful.

Surely, I will make many more mistakes in my life. Some I will not be proud of, but will certainly make me a stronger person. I'm not perfect, never will be, never have been, never want to be. But I can say with full conviction that I am a changed woman, and I know what I want. I have what I want (for the most part).

That beautiful Spring day four years ago that I thought would define the rest of my life actually only created a foundation for who I would become.

In the words of the queen, "Now I'm stronger than yesterday. Now it's nothing but my way. My loneliness ain't killin' me no more. I AM stronger." (Britney Spears)

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