Inglorious Basterds

Kill Bill? Great series.

Pulp Fiction? Classic.

Inglorious Basterds? Excellence.

Needless to say, Quentin Tarantino is genius, and his latest film is no exception. The story line was captivating; the blood and gore, repulsive; and Brad Pitt wasn't terrible on the eyes, either, my friend.

But great directing / acting aside, there is something about Hitler and his Nazi crazies that I find so intriguing. The power he had over peoples' minds is frightening and absolutely amazing at the same time. He was a very a intelligent man - he would have to be to build such a powerful, hypnotizing cult.

I feel like re-reading Mein Kampf.

That shall be next on my list.

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Journalist or a Hairdresser - We all deal with annoying people.

In response to this blog (written by a friend who I sometimes do not agree with - but that's okay):

As a journalist, I went to school for 5 years, took classes that I had to have that didn't even pertain to my major, paid thousands of dollars for textbooks the professor never even used - not to mention $25,000 in student loans. I had to find (on my own) two internships that totaled 300 hours of my time - UNPAID - yet I still had to pay to live in D.C. for the duration of one internship, and my gas traveling 30 minutes each way for the other. I spent countless hours interviewing annoying, haughty people about things I didn't care about, attending events that I sometimes didn't even agree with, standing around taking pictures that editors would end up not having room for and endless, ENDLESS hours writing stories and articles just so everyone else can know and understand what is going on in the world. And what do I get in return as a journalist? Less than $20K per year IF I can find a job, plus the added benefit of society blaming me for reading about the things they don't like. I don't make the news, I just let you know about it.

I do think $85 is steep for a cut / color - especially when the girl who does my hair stains my shirt every .. single .. time with dye. Do I pay it anyway? Yes.

But we all choose our paths in life, and if we don't like our jobs, we can always get a new one.

I got that quote from you!

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Maybe I'm the one, maybe I"m the one .. who is .. a schizophrenic psycho

I'm an emotional person. I mean, come on - I'm a girl, it's a given. But perhaps I cry more than others. It doesn't really make a difference.

But because I keep my heart out in the open and easier to get slashed and beaten, my hurt feelings and sadness are often mistaken for psychosis. I am not crazy. I am not a schizophrenic psycho.

I am also the kind of person who falls the hardest every..single..time. When I love someone, I love them with everything I have. I am certainly not perfect and I'm sure I am not the person I hope to be 100 percent of the time, but I am confident that I give my utmost to those that I love.

Those two qualities combined do not make for a great character analysis. Because I love deeply AND wear my heart on my sleeve, I get my feelings hurt often and can't keep what I'm feeling inside.

But what is most unfortunate about my situation is that I have yet to find another like me, who understands what I go through. Instead, the people I love hurt me and hate me for being upset. It's (I've been told) an annoyance.

I've tried, in past relationships, to stop caring. To not be bothered by the hurtful actions of those I love, and to most certainly not react in a way that exudes my frustration, sadness, hurt ....

What I found out was that when you stop caring, you do just that. You can't not care about how someone makes you feel and still care about the person. It's impossible. In fact, the frustration, the sadness, the hurt - these all come because you care for someone. Without the emotion, there is no love. At least not for me.

So I often come to a crossroads where I have to choose whether I want to continue caring for someone, or stop feeling like the psycho-babble annoyance I know I am. In the past, it hasn't been easy, but I've typically (okay, only once) chosen to stop caring. In the end, it worked out. You move on, you get over it.

But sometimes there are more things at stake than just a relationship or a legal document. Every now and then, things are worth more than to just give up. Even if it means tears and lots of journal pages. It's still worth it.

And that's just the way it is. There is no amount of crazy medicine or therapy sessions that will take away what I feel inside. I've come to accept that it's who I am, and how I love. It is unfortunate, I'll admit - for both myself and the recipient of my feelings. But how do you make those pangs go away? And would you want to?

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Sleep - where are you?

I used to think the worst was sleeping over at someone else's house and developing insomnia because of the unfamiliarity of the surroundings.

But I've changed my mind.

The worst is developing insomnia in my OWN house because of the unfamiliarity of my surroundings. We moved the bedroom into the dining room (what? Isn't that normal?) and I simply cannot get used to it. Granted, this is only my second night sleeping where I should be eating, but still. I'm tired. Exhausted, actually, from my lack of sleep last night. I want to fall asleep. Oh, but my mind will just not drift into unconsciousness.

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Land of the Obama bandwagon.

First, read THIS NEWS STORY.

I am proud to be an American.

Having said that, I am so incredibly saddened by the digression my wonderful country has taken in the past several months (notably, since President Obama has taken office). Censorship has increasingly become more prevalent, but has unfortunately only hit certain groups - conservatives in particular and, well, whites in general.

Anyone who does not fall into either of those categories will lash out at me responding that I am simply closed-minded and a white supremacist for even thinking the censorship that is occurring is unconstitutional. It is contemporary, politically correct and socially accurate, they will say. And this, my dear friend, is exactly why I am so distraught about my country.

The article about Spivack's North Carolina mall kiosk just blows my mind and breaks my heart. Where have all our constitutional rights gone? Well, they're intact if you're in agreement with Mr. President himself. Otherwise, you are a threat.

It's so outrageous to me that a year ago (not even that long) it was socially acceptable to publish books, print T-shirts and display bumper stickers that hailed our then-President, the wonderful George W., as an incompetent idiot who could not form a sentence, let alone run a country full of arrogant know-nothings. However, after a change of office throws in more actual change than most were really expecting (at least for the worst) it is not only politically incorrect to poke fun and call names, but it has become ILLEGAL.

You say, no - it certainly is not illegal, but only severely looked down upon. Oh no, my friend. That ridiculous North Carolina mall management withheld the option for Spivack to renew his lease for the kiosk based SOLELY upon the merchandise he was selling. Furthermore, the mall owner admitted he was appalled by the anti-Obama pieces and that it was grounds for Spivack's discharge.

Come on, America. This is NOT an accurate portrayal of the land of the FREE. We have become the land of the free-if-you-agree-with-Obama-and-the-liberals-and-don't-make-them-look-any-less-important-or-noble-than-they-feel. Can you say hierarchy? That's much too simple. Can you say COMMUNISM? China has given America much more than money.

It truly is a sad time for my beloved country. But not only sad - scary, if you're a white conservative as myself. I must watch my every step, think and re-think my every word. If I say the wrong thing, I be deemed politically incorrect.

If I speak my mind, I may be charged with treason.

Please tell me, who is making these rules.

Please tell me, when can I have my country back?

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I must be special for He paid a special price for me..

When I was a kid (not that long ago) I thought I was special. I thought I was more intelligent than my peers, more mature than the average 13 year old, had more faith than most people especially at my age. I thought I was something, and not because I was arrogant or haughty, but because the people in my life truly made me feel like I was an amazing person.

Ten years down the road, I feel like I've wasted so much time of a life that is already too short. I feel like I've totally let myself down, as well as everyone who loves me. It's clear that I'm not special or spectacular - evident to myself, as well as through the words of people who have known me my entire 2+ decades. It's a terrible feeling to know you have let down the people you love the most. It's terrible knowing they expected more of you, and yet this is what you give them.

But is it possible to really change who you are? Sure, I believe actions and ideals can change. Appearances can change. So can life destinations. But what about personality? Character? No matter how hard I try, I can't change those things.

What I have tried to remember, though, is when I became me. I wish I could remember when I stopped feeling special and started to realize that I'm just another person in the world, and nothing really noteworthy. When did people stop thinking I was special?

I have a suggested theory that you become your surroundings. I guess you really are who your friends are. And if those suck, maybe you suck, too. At 18, I changed my life destination and became my surrounding - a surrounding no one else liked and everyone warned against. Bad decisions lead to more bad decisions, and maybe people think bad decision makers just aren't that special. Ironically, that surrounding was supposed to be the one facet of life to make me feel special, and it was the one that tore me down and made me the sad, untrusting, not-spectacular person I am today.

And maybe it's attitudes like mine that are really the reason people become non-special. Nobody likes a pity party, although I do not believe my party is for pity. I simply wonder why and ask questions that I know will never be answered.

Perhaps if I'd just taken some different steps at 18. Maybe if I'd chosen some different surroundings, I'd still be special.

Heck. Maybe I'm still special after all. Maybe there's somebody who still sees it.

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I forgot how not fun 8-hour car trips are. Good news: it's only a 6-hour trip! Somehow that doesn't make it any better.

I bought an adorable little light that clips to the side of a book to allow night-time reading, writing, 'rithMatic - whatever floats your boat. I was excited to spend the hours of yellow-dashed pavement catching up on my latest adventure through a Jodi Picoult novel (currently reading Harvesting the Heart. So far, so good.) Unfortunately for me, ol' GE decided to write "batteries not included" so small on the package it looks like speckles. Well, that or I didn't bother to check if the darn thing came pre-batterized. Fail.

So now I'm stuck in the dark, listening to whatever Mr. Charming puts through the car speakers. It's putting me to sleep ( not to mention I'm completely exhausted from my ridiculously full day of packing, working, cleaning, doing everything I could possibly fit into my day ). However, my terribly controlling character keeps me from closing my eyes and finding rest. I somehow feel safer if I'm awake, as if I can help avoid a wreck just by being conscious. Doubtful. Charming has driven this route many a day, so I should feel safe. Sure. I trust him. Maybe I will just rest my eyes for a bit.

Carolina sure is on my mind, but it's the having nothing on my mind that I'm
most looking forward to this weekend. Hooray for vacations.

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