mixed emotions, happy conclusion

ive been at camp caleb during the designated week in july since i was in the sixth grade - 11 years ago. the first eight years as a camper, jumping at all of the popcorns, running so hard in frisbee football i thought i may have a heatstroke, kicking all the others girls' butts in basketball, taking home a good 50 percent of the awards. and then the last three years as a counselor, trying to be to the younger girls what my predecessors had been to me.

this morning, the vans left to go to camp caleb this week - without me.

i know this is the time during which i have to grow up: stay home because i have two jobs that i cant do without and summer school that starts that i must pass or else i dont graduate in the spring (already a year late). i know these things have to get done, and i feel a bit of self-satisfaction knowing i made the mature, logical decision to stay home and take care of what needs done. but at the same time, i know i'm missing out on the morning roll call, the team games that always get me riled up and make me want to be a camper again, the nasty cafeteria food, the girls circle at night trying to get the boys cabin area to hear us (although i know its impossible) and sitting in the hot, dirty bunk bed at night writing in my journal, missing home and wanting to leave. most of all, i know im missing out on the blessing that i would inevitably get just from being there. especially the girls who run up to me and give me a hug, so glad that i will be there all week. its good to be wanted.

but since im stuck in h-town dubya vee, i guess i should make the most of it. and, ya know, its not so bad after all. i get to spend this week with the one i love, chilling at the pool or playing card games or the sega. i get to see my family every single day - a luxury many people are not blessed with, even if they are near home. so what if i have to work? at least i have a place to live, a nice car (ok make that a crappy piece of junk that doesnt run) and nice things. i dont give my life enough credit.

life is good. (except for being on hold with Apple for 30 minutes. good holding music, though)