We will never forget.

Watch. Remember.



If we can watch this and not remember how heartbreaking, frightening, upsetting that day was, then we have broken our promise. We've done what we swore we would never do. We have forgotten.

I'll never forget. I was a high-school sophomore. I went to school that day with the biggest event on my agenda being the delivery of a note with three stickers and nothing else: YES.

Before Honors English, I delivered the note to its recipient, and knew this day would change the rest of my life. Little did I know just how much.

I sat in class, listening to the teacher, who would eventually call me a bitch to another class in which I would not be present, talk about something entirely uninteresting - perhaps Beowulf or something else I never understood or even cared to. The white-fro-haired teacher next door, who was once a contestant on an MTV game show, although I do not remember the exact one, stuck his head inside and said, "turn on the news. The World Trade Center towers have been hit by an airplane."

I didn't know what the World Trade Center was. I didn't know where they were located. And it didn't really matter - we didn't believe him. It was a boy-who-cried-wolf kind of situation; the teacher was a jokester. Eventually, he returned and expressionlessly restated his previous request, to which we adhered.

Sure enough. It was still early enough for teachers to still have hot coffee in their apple-printed mugs, and we stared at the television in disbelief. No one spoke. We just watched. Watched. Watched. And then we watched the second plane crash quickly into the second tower.

I remember it being difficult to hold back my emotions, to not let the tears fall down my face. I wasn't sure if crying was the okay thing to do - I didn't want to be the laughingstock. But no one was watching me. No one cared. And I'm probably correct in assuming everyone else felt the exact same way.

That day, school stayed in session, but no work was done. No lessons taught. At least none that had been prepared by the teachers. We spent the entire day taking in history, witnessing a tragedy of American lives, watching terrorism unfold before our very eyes.

There wasn't much to see. The news replayed the planes crashing, the burning buildings, the falling structures, over and over. And every time it was unbelievable. Every time, I felt so sad.

At home that night, I sat with my family and watched as New Yorkers displayed photos of family members on the streets, on billboards, on clothing, or holding the portraits directly up to the camera. It was heartbreaking.

September 11, 2001 was a day I said yes. And it was a day I said No. No, I will never forget.

And I will never forget.

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A beautiful wedding, an unfortunate end, a wonderful life now lived

I sometimes randomly come across my wedding DVD (even after strategically hiding it in places where I do not typically look so as to avoid this), and I can't help but pop it in my computer and watch the tragic event unfold. So was the case tonight.

Looking back, I don't understand how I didn't see that day what is so incredibly clear from the camera lens. Sure, I looked relatively happy (and pretty, if I might say so), but I think I was the only one.

I don't know that I ever saw X smile once while being filmed. And, of course, I'll never forget walking down the aisle and watching him scan the sanctuary, my bridesmaids ... everyone but me. Shouldn't this have been a big, red flag?

This is typical in life ... well, in mine, anyway. When I want something, I make it seem like the greatest thing, no matter the reality.

Example: I bought my Land Rover Discovery although it not only looked like a piece of crap, but expelled oil, didn't have a passenger-side mirror, was keyed on both sides - oh, and required premium gas even during a recession. But I had a Rover. Needless to say, the thing died and I sold it for half of my investment less than a year later. It was a waste of my time and money that could have been prevented had I listened to what my father told me.

Oh, how familiar that is.

Had I listened to what not only my father told me, but also my friends, family, coworkers, and people I didn't even know, I would not have wasted over $20K (okay, my parents) on a wedding, although beautiful, that really meant nothing.

I can't say that I really have regrets. Yes, not going through with the most beautiful wedding I've ever attended ('tis true) would have saved me and many others many a crying morning/afternoon/day/night. But at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have learned the lessons I needed to understand the situation I'm in. If I didn't have to fall out of love, I wouldn't know how to love with everything I have. For that, I am truly grateful.

Surely, I will make many more mistakes in my life. Some I will not be proud of, but will certainly make me a stronger person. I'm not perfect, never will be, never have been, never want to be. But I can say with full conviction that I am a changed woman, and I know what I want. I have what I want (for the most part).

That beautiful Spring day four years ago that I thought would define the rest of my life actually only created a foundation for who I would become.

In the words of the queen, "Now I'm stronger than yesterday. Now it's nothing but my way. My loneliness ain't killin' me no more. I AM stronger." (Britney Spears)

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