All About Me

In my 23 years of life, I have figured out a thing or two about myself. I have changed over time, especially in the last several years - but there are many things that remain consistent about me. I'm a silly girl, a hopeless romantic, a writer, a bad word. I am many things normal. But here are a few things that are unique to me that I, surprisingly, love about myself (well, maybe not all of them):

1. I like to sweep and vacuum. There's something about visible dirtiness being overcome by a force greater than it with the end result being cleanliness. Actually, I really just like cleanliness.

2. When I'm driving, I often grit my teeth in between certain points, i.e. slashes in the middle of the road, shadows of trees, telephone poles, mailboxes, etc.

3. I have a birthmark on my back that is lighter than my skin and only shows up when I have a great tan. The cool thing about it is it looks like a dinosaur.

4. I can't burp. (this is one I do NOT love)

5. I daydream about being a celebrity and giving an interview about all the exciting things in my life. Perhaps this is just a fantasy because I have been the interviewER for years. Or maybe I just want to be a celebrity. Or maybe I just want an exciting life. Any of the above.

6. I like to pretend that I'm a great photographer. But really, I suck. Big time.

7. I really wish I had grown up in the '80s (I was born in '86, so that doesn't count). I hate that I don't know every word to every Madonna and Michael Jackson song. And I'm really bummed that I missed out on the first go-around of leg warmers.

8. I searched and searched for my fourth grade teacher years after graduating high school. I had a recurring dream about her that was slightly haunting. We finally reconnected on Facebook, and I literally felt a weight removed from my mind. Facebook. Who knew?

9. I would totally have my legs broken so I could be taller. 5'3" blows.

10. I'm still afraid of the dark. Well, really I'm afraid of what lurks in the dark. Typically it is my boyfriend creeping up on me to scare the bejeezus out of me. Mean, I know.

11. As a former waitress, I have never in my life spit in or made any disgusting adjustments to someone's meal ... but I have witnessed it done.

12. During my "I'm going to be a singer" phase, I had my Christian contemporary demo song played on a local radio station. It was really, really bad.

13. When I was 13, I was in love with a 20 year old who told me that one day, if we got married, we would write a book about our love story. I believed him. It didn't happen. Sad (on many levels), it's true.

14. I hate beets. No, I loathe beets. My dad made me eat them when I was younger. I gagged. Everyone laughed. Never again.

15. I want a tattoo. No, I don't. I can't make up my mind. I think they're edgy. I also think they're trashy. Hmm...

16. I can't take a fish off the hook. Never have. One of these days I'll grow some and stick my fingers down that critter's throat and yank out the hook. Maybe not.

17. I love Martha Stewart. I love everything she does, makes, sells, promotes. I bet she even folds fitted sheets perfectly.

18. I think George W. Bush is sexy. But that's not new information.

19. I've always said I'm a city girl living in the hills of WV, but the older I get, the more I realize I'm a country girl through and through. I'll take four-wheeling and fishin' over broadway and a taxi any day.

20. I don't necessarily want to be a celebrity ... but I'd like to be BFFs with one.

21. People genuinely do not like me and I don't know why - oftentimes, people I don't even know. Because of this, I've made it my goal to be a better person. (Update: haven't started yet)

22. I wish I knew how to dance. I can't even do the macarena correctly.

23. The thing that bothers me the most about getting divorced is that I missed out on so much as an 18 to 20 year old. College life. Sororities. Friends. Parties. Then again, maybe it kept me out of trouble...

24. I am incredibly fascinated by Hitler and his Nazi followers.

25. I only eat Chinese food with chop sticks. Even rice.

26. "That's what she said" is my favorite thing to say. And if I don't say it, I'm still thinking it.

27. When I try to think about the things that define me, I can't. So I'll just think on this for another week and add some more later. Sigh.

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I Ain't No Emily Dickinson

I used to write poetry a lot. Nothing decent. Mostly silly rhymes about my ever-so-distressing life as a teenager in love. Reading through them at 23 years of age, I find the musings rather, well, amusing.

I remember feeling so sad and upset. I was positive my life was over .. every day. If only I knew then what I know now.

I'll share these silly things with you every now and then - if you promise not to judge me.

Here is one I most likely wrote during a math class:

my eyes are heavy
my minds asleep
my dreams become vivid
much deeper i creep

concentration has left
my hearings absurd
i fall into darkness
please do not disturb

what a heavenly state
i could not resist
oh nothing compares
to this peaceful bliss

ive waited forever
all day at least
and finally i can
lay down to sleep

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An open letter to the MU loudspeaker person

Dear person who runs the scoreboard/JumboTron at the Joan C. Edwards stadium for Marshall football games:

Get with the program.

Sitting in the stands last night watching the Herd take a victory over old Mac-rival Bowling Green, my head was sent into a terribly uncomfortable frenzy during the chaos of what came from you playing extremely loud (nonetheless, fun and energizing) music overtop of the band's tunes.

This happens all...the...time.

Your job is an integral part of each home football game and, don't get me wrong, I appreciate your dedication to the green and white.

However, maybe you should invest in some walkie talkies and collaborate with the band leader so that your musical interludes do not constantly overlap to produce incessant and inevitable headaches and brain spasms for all stadium occupants.

I love listening to Ozzy snd Thunderstruck. I also love hearing Sweet Caroline and the 1st Down piece. I don't love hearing them at the same time.
When I attend away games, I am always incredibly jealous at the cooperation and interworking of the opposing school's band and loudspeaker-person. They always seem to have their acts together, working in conjunction to energize the crowd and boost morale. The overhead music / talking never interrupts the band.

And furthermore, the band is in direct conjunction with the fans to sing silly songs and yell encouraging cheers to their beloved team. However, that's a whole other open letter.

For now, loudspeaker person, please buy those 2-way radios and let's try not to send fans into convulsions.

In love of the Herd,

Jen ( a die-hard MU fan )

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