What if?

We make decisions every minute, every day of our lives. Some are of much greater importance than others, but all indicative of the future.

Today, for example, I chose to look for apartments in Huntington, to which my efforts availed no positive outcome. I chose to take lemonade and crackers to work on my 4-hour shift, which resulted in me saving $5 on a drink and snack for the evening. I chose to accept my manager's request for me to work 8 am - 5 pm instead of my scheduled 3 pm - 10ish pm, which will inevitably result in my feet throbbing uncontrollably and me being so tired I'll want to come home and crash.

The decisions we make, important or irrelevant, can result in positive or negative reactions. Unfortunately for me, my terrible, irrational decision-making skills have placed me in a position today that I never thought I would be. And I wonder, what if.

So, decisions I have made that I may or may not want to change should I be given the option:

1. Cheerleading in high school. I mean, why not? Flying in the air and doing body-wrenching twists just seems uber-cool.
2. Never finishing all of my summer reading. Both of my Honors and AP English teachers in high school were killer, but I wish I would have let them challenge me instead of intimidate me. Actually reading the assigned books and 86ing the use of SparkNotes would have been ideal.
3. Getting married at 18 years old. I mean, that's a no-brainer, right?
4. Getting divorced at 20 years old. Again, a no-brainer. But, had I changed decision #3, decision #4 would be irrelevant. So much goes into these two decisions, though, that would make much more sense to a reader on the outside - but those are my problems that I have and will deal with myself.
5. Credit cards. My, my, my. How it would have changed my life not having credit cards. Debt is a four-letter word that I find appalling and sickening, but something we only get ourselves into and can only get ourselves out of. If I have any advice for young people, it's stay away from credit. What did I buy? I really have no idea.
6. Forget Journalism - something, anything else. Unless you're the editor-in-chief for National Geographic or The New York Times, print journalism is not the way to go in the 21st century. It's going digital. Unfortunately, my professors and advisor did not let me in on this little tidbit of info until I was over halfway finished with my degree - and I wasn't turning back then. Now, I can't get a job (other than in retail or food service ... which blows) and I'm basically forced to go back to school. Crappy.

I could go on and on and on and on about crappy decisions I have made, but that would just be really depressing, and I've had enough of that lately. But I can't change the past. All I can do is make the right decisions in the future, and hopefully I'll be competent and intelligent enough to discern from right and wrong, and what is good, bad, best and worst for me. If not, at least I'll have something to blog about in the years to come.

And, for the record, I hate thinking about "what if." It's pointless, discouraging and unproductive. But every now and then I like to dream. You know, about "what if" I decided to run away at 16, hitchhike to California, starve myself and become a model or actress. I'm skinny, rich, and wearing Manolos. A girl can dream.